


Gonna Watch You Shine

by jealoussam (swsquadleadr327)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Sam Winchester-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:15:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swsquadleadr327/pseuds/jealoussam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam gets a call from someone who had old contact information for him from five years ago. It turns out he had a daughter with a woman he knew when he was soulless. The little girl needs a family and it’s up to Sam to step up and take care of her the best way he knows how.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in love with the idea of Sam as a father so I had a lot of fun writing this. It's mostly self-indulgent.
> 
> Thank you so much to [sweetasscass](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyMercyMe/pseuds/sweetasscas) for the wonderful last minute beta! Seriously, she really helped me pull this thing together. 
> 
> Another thank you to [dollarformyname](http://dollarformyname.livejournal.com/) for the art and for putting up with my lagging on deadlines. I couldn't have asked for a better artist!
> 
>  
> 
> [Art Masterpost](http://dollarformyname.livejournal.com/72747.html)

            The thing that Sam found hardest about his life and the lifestyle he lived with his brother was the fact that he never had time to breathe. They went from one crisis to another without any kind of chance to rest.

            The fact that he had gotten Dean to agree to take a break from hunting and spend some time together was a minor miracle. But then again since Dean was just recovering from having been a demon Sam thought it was only fair. Plus he was just getting his brother back.

            Sam was packing up some last minute items that he was planning on taking to their mini vacation when he heard one of his hidden phones start ringing. He had to go and dig through his drawer to get to it. It was a phone that he hadn’t used in years and for a moment he couldn’t even remember when the last time he had used it was. He almost missed the call as he tried to figure it out.

            “Hello?”

            There was a pause on the other end and Sam briefly thought the other person had hung up.

            “I’m looking for a Mr. Sam Rollins?”

            Sam was quiet for a moment. The name was familiar but it took him a second to remember that it was an alias he’d used about five years ago. Normally he was better at remembering the aliases that he and Dean used but there was a period of time that was still a bit blurry to him.

            “Uh, yeah. Yeah, speaking.” He cleared his throat and wondered if this was an FBI Agent alias or something else.

            “That’s a relief. I’ve been trying numbers all day trying to reach you,” the voice on the other end sounded like a young man who had reached the end of his rope. Sam felt for the kid.

            “Well, you found me. What is this about?”

            “Do you remember a woman named Diana Jones?”

            Sam thought that over. “I think so, yeah.” He had only a vague recollection of the name. “I knew her about… Maybe five years ago. Give or take.”

            “Excellent, that’s even better.” The kid let out a relieved breath. “Well, I know it’s getting late, but would you be willing to come to my office tomorrow? There are some important legal matters that would probably be easier to talk about face to face.”

            Sam frowned. “What do you mean? Where’s your office?”

            “Here in Kansas City.”

            “In Kansas?”

            There was a beat on the other end. “No, in Missouri.” The kid sounded like he wasn’t sure what kind of question that was.

            “Seriously?”

            “Um. Yes? I'm handling Ms. Jones's estate and this is where she was living."

            “Estate? So… She passed?”

            “Yes, about two weeks ago.”

            Sam’s stomach flipped over but he still wasn’t sure what this had to do with him. He remembered this woman but he was pretty sure he’d only known her for a few days. If it had even been that long.

            “Then what’s this have to do with me?”

            “Again, sir, that would be better in a face to face conversation. When can you come to my office?”

            Sam blinked and suppressed a groan. He really did not have the time to deal with this. Well, technically he did. That was the problem. But he wanted to use that time to reconnect with his brother.

            “Sir?”

            “Can I call you right back?”

            “I’m leaving my office very soon I’d appreciate-”

            “Ten minutes. I’ll call you back in ten minutes.” Sam hung up the phone without letting him finish his sentence. He shoved the phone into his pocket and went to go look for Dean.

            Dean was still in his room, shuffling back and forth as Sam knocked at the open door. He looked up and managed a faint smile. “Hey, Sammy.”

            “I’ve gotta talk to you about something.”

            Dean frowned. “What’s going on?”

            “Something… came up.”

            “Everything ok?” Dean perched himself on the edge of his bed and tried not to look nervous, but his body was tense and he kept looking like he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands.

            “I don’t know,” Sam said honestly. He helped himself into Dean’s room and sat down at the chair he used for his desk. “I got a weird call from some… I guess he’s a lawyer? About this woman I knew a few years ago.”

            Dean’s eyebrows shot straight up as he stared at Sam. “Really.”

            “He says he needs me to go over there. Some estate thing. He didn’t say anything else because I wanted to come talk to you. He’s in Missouri.”

            “Huh.”

            Sam stared at him. “Huh? That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

            “Don’t know what else you want me to say,” Dean said as he got to his feet and started to walk from his room. Sam wasn’t about to let him get off that easily so he quickly got up and strode after him.

            “Uh, maybe like, something actually helpful?” He took a few hurried steps as he went to catch up to him.

            “Well, if you don’t know what he wants then I don’t know what to tell you.”

            “Little hard to have a conversation if you’re walking away from me.”

            “We’re walking and talking, I got hungry.”

            Sam glared at his back. “So should I go?”

            “Sure. You said it’s an estate thing, right?” Dean made his way into the kitchen and went for the refrigerator. “Maybe she left you some money.” He turned around and grinned at Sam. “That’d be great. You should totally check it out then. Maybe you’re rich!”

            The look that Sam gave his brother could only be described as one of complete and thorough exasperation. “I doubt it.”

            “When’d you even meet this chick anyway?”

            Sam watched as Dean pulled out two boxes of Hot Pockets. There were at least a dozen other boxes still in the freezer. “Why do we have so many of those?”

            Dean turned back and stared at the boxes and then shrugged. “Damned it I know. Maybe Cas was having another of his weird cravings. You let him do the shopping?”

            “No.” Sam shook his head and huffed, dragging the conversation back around from the over twenty Hot Pockets in the freezer to his current dilemma. “So that’s it? You just think we should go?”

            “Don’t see why not. But I don’t think you need me to go with you.”

            Sam frowned, leaning back against one of the counter as Dean put four of the Hot Pockets into the microwave. He really hoped at least two of those were for him and his brother didn’t plan on eating all four at once. Although he’d been a demon for a while so if he did Sam wasn’t going to complain about it too badly. “And if I want you to come with me?”

            “Look, Sam. You said yourself, you want me to rest, right? So what’s the point in the two of us driving all the way out to Missouri just so you can find out what your old girlfriend was up to and why she left you a small fortune.”

            This time Sam favored his brother with an unamused expression. “She wasn’t my girlfriend. If she’s who I think it was maybe, _maybe_ a fling. I was soulless. That should explain it.”

            Dean snickered slightly. “Man, you must’ve been one hell of a lay if she remembered you after, what, five years?”

            Sam snorted. “Or maybe they’re trying to get some kind of restraining order against me.”

            “They wouldn’t call you over for that one.” Dean looked unimpressed at his brother’s logic.

            “Ok, fair enough.” Sam blew out a breath. “So… You really think I should go?”

            “Hell yeah.” Dean pulled the Hot Pockets from the microwave then and held the plate out to Sam. He took one even though it was still hot enough to burn his fingers so he tossed it from hand to hand for the moment.

            “Why?”

            “Why not?” He shrugged, taking a huge bite of his Hot Pocket.

            Sam wasn’t sure how he could do that without burning half his throat out. “Maybe because we just worked out we were gonna take a break? Take some time to ourselves?”

            Dean waved a hand at Sam and grabbed another Hot Pocket. “How long’s the drive over there? Few hours? You leave in the morning, you’re back the day after. Then we go on our vacation. Besides, I don’t mind hanging out by myself.”

            Sam thought that over, chewing thoughtfully. “You really sure about that?”

            “I’m sure.” Dean went over and patted Sam’s shoulder. He grimaced slightly and glared at Dean for patting the shoulder that was still in the sling. All he got was a small apologetic look in response, though. “Go for the drive. But leave my car, take your own. If you’re really that worried I’ll call Cas and see if he can come babysit me.”

            Sam smiled slightly. “Alright. Sure. Let me go give that guy a call back.”

            “Want one more?” Dean shook the plate and last Hot Pocket at Sam.

            “No thanks, there’s only like twenty three left in the freezer, I’m not in a rush.”

            “We really have to talk to Cas about his taste in junk food.”

            Sam laughed as he turned to go, shaking his head slightly. “I’m leaving that job to you, dude.”

            He went back to his room then to call the kid back. Sure it had been longer than ten minutes but he didn’t think it would be an issue. When he picked up Sam didn’t bother introducing himself.

            “I can stop by your office tomorrow.”

            The kid on the other end was quiet. “Mr. Rollins?”

            “Yeah.”

            “That’s a relief. My office opens at nine, can you be there then?”

            That would mean Sam wouldn’t be getting much sleep that night but what else was new. He couldn’t be that worried about it. Wouldn’t be his first night without any sleep. “Yeah, sounds great.”

            It was about a four to five hour drive from Lebanon, Kansas to Kansas City, Missouri. It was already late enough that Sam would probably just leave once he had the car packed and catch a few hours of sleep once he got there.

            Sam grabbed his bags and headed for the garage. He passed Dean’s room on the way and his brother trailed after him.

            “Got everything?” Dean asked as they got into the garage. There were plenty of cars for Sam to choose from, and he already had one in mind.

            “Yeah, Dean, I’m good. You sure you want to stay? We could go straight into vacation right after this.”

            He waved a dismissive hand at him. “I’m fine. Do your thing, and call me if you hit any trouble.”

            Sam still wasn’t sure how he felt about that but he accepted it with a small nod. “Alright. I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m meeting with the guy at nine.” He might be able to handle himself in a fight, but he wasn’t stupid. It was just habit to tell Dean the basics of his trip so he would know when to worry if things went wrong.

            A few minutes after that he had the car packed and he was on his way. The drive took about as long as he’d expected and he didn’t find a motel until the middle of the night. He debated just sleeping in the car for a few hours, but something told him he’d want the room later. Mostly to catch up on sleep later after his meeting with the lawyer. He located the office before he went to sleep and then passed out in bed without even changing.

            Too soon after that he was back up and on his way to his nine o’clock meeting.

            According to the secretary in the front of the office the kid wasn’t even in yet. That put Sam off a little but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. With a yawn he went to sit down to wait for the kid to arrive.

            In just another few minutes someone walked through the doors of the office. He was young and looked harried and Sam thought it was probably safe to assume this was the person meeting him. He walked up to the secretary and she pointed at Sam. He quickly straightened up and looked over at Sam.

            “Mr. Rollins?”

            Sam got to his feet so he could shake the kid’s hand. “That’s me.” He had spent the drive thinking over the alias and wracking his brain for what memories were there of it. He did remember doing a case in the area and he remembered a woman that he assumed was Diana Jones. Beyond that things were too fuzzy with time and the fact that when he had been soulless he didn’t put much stock in remembering people as he did details about cases.

            Sam followed the kid who had introduced himself as Tom MacMahon. They didn’t say anything until they were in his office and sitting facing each other across MacMahon’s desk.

            “Now, as I was telling you over the phone,” he started, and Sam was relieved he didn’t have to prompt him. “I’m in charge of Ms. Jones’ estate. She didn’t leave much money and what she did leave is mainly tied up in a trust fund.”

            Sam had absolutely no idea where this was going so he decided to jump in just in case there was some kind of mistaken identity thing going on. “You know, I’m really sorry to hear that she passed but I’m still confused. Just what does this have to do with me? She didn’t leave _me_ any money, did she?”

            MacMahon blinked at Sam like he wasn’t sure what to make of the man in front of him. “How long has it been since you’ve seen Ms. Jones?”

            Sam shrugged. “Maybe… four, five years? We ran into each other back then when I was in town for work. I haven’t spoken to her since.”

            The young lawyer paled. “Then you don’t know about her daughter?”

            Sam stared at him. If that was supposed to mean anything to him he didn’t remember it. “Um, no. She must not have mentioned her when we spoke.”

            “Well, her daughter is only about five years old.”

            “What?” Sam sputtered slightly as he felt his stomach sink.

            “Yes. When Ms. Jones passed a few weeks ago she left a five year old daughter. Part of my job has been trying to find a suitable guardian for her and it hasn’t been easy to track down next of kin.”

            “What- what do you mean ‘next of kin’?”

            MacMahon stared at Sam with something between frustration and confusion with a little bit of annoyance mixed in. “Mr. Rollins, according to the papers and files belong to Ms. Jones, she has you listed as the girl’s father.”

            Sam nearly pushed himself out of the chair and ran from the office. “I’m- you- what?”

            “That’s what Ms. Jones indicated. Of course I’d request a paternity test to confirm it but if it’s positive then you would be granted custody of the child.”

            It was no secret that Sam had done some terrible things when he’d been walking around without a soul but this would certainly rank among the worst if it was true. At least, if that meant that he’d been running around and dying when he had a daughter somewhere out there. It wasn’t exactly the kind of news Sam had ever wanted to hear. This was more Dean’s area of expertise.

            Oh Dean was going to have a _field day_ when he heard. Sam decided to wait to tell him until the test results came in.

            “You can’t- I’m not-” Sam took a deep breath and straightened in his seat. “I’m not in a position to take care of a kid. Especially not a five year old. Not any kind of kid.”

            MacMahon frowned and sagged back in his seat, looking tired and defeated. “Of course if you deny your parental rights then I’ll need you to sign some paperwork giving up custody. Ms. Jones stated she wanted the girl to be with family but if you refuse then it’s likely she’s going to end up a ward of the state. Unless you have any other family willing to take her in.”

            Sam snorted slightly. Yeah, because Dean would be any better with a five year old than he would be. Admittedly, kids tended to warm up to Dean faster but Sam knew that after Ben and Lisa his brother was in no rush to start up a family. Neither of them were. And they probably never would be.

            “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” MacMahon blew out a breath that sounded more like a groan of defeat. “Would you at least take the paternity test? This way I can be sure to have you sign the right paperwork to give up your rights, and if not then I know I have to keep looking.”

            Sam didn’t answer right away. Obviously the right answer was to say yes because at least that way he could be sure. Either way he would know if he really did have a child or not. But even though he knew that that was the right answer it didn’t mean that he could bring himself to say it that easily.

            “I’ll take the test.” There was always a chance it wasn’t his kid. Even though he’d been soulless he wasn’t stupid. But accidents happened.

            MacMahon looked relieved. “I have the arrangements all set, and we can have the results back quickly. The lab is waiting and if we get your sample in to them today we could have them back tomorrow night or the day after.”

            That didn’t seem particularly fast to Sam at all. That meant up to two days waiting around impatiently for the results. Not to mention that was another two days of putting off the vacation time with Dean.

            Sam shook himself and tried to remember that there was still a good chance this wasn’t his kid. Accidents happened, sure, but he was careful. Soulless or not.

            “Ok. I’ll get myself settled at a hotel.”

            MacMahon pushed a business card across the desk to Sam. “That’s the address for the lab. It’ll help things go a little faster.”

            Sam accepted that with a nod. “Yeah. Sure.”

            After that MacMahon showed him to the door. Sam played with the card in his hands as he made his way back to his car. Once there he pulled his phone out, thumb hovering over the button to call Dean. At this point he probably should have called him, but he decided to wait for the full story. Like whether he was definitely an uncle or not.

 

            The whole process of getting his blood taken for the test didn’t take that long. Sam was back at his motel room about two hours later. There wasn’t much for him to do and he didn’t want to update Dean until there was actually something to say.

            The waiting process was more than a little agonizing for Sam. Usually he didn’t mind waiting, but too many horrible scenarios kept going through his head.

            And he couldn’t stop asking himself one question. What was he going to do if it turned out this kid was his? Could he really give her up and send her into the foster care system?

            Those questions kept Sam up well into the night.

 

            Two days later Sam hadn’t heard back about the results and he was starting to wonder just what was going on that could keep it delayed. When his phone finally rang he just about dove across the bed to get to it. He didn’t even check the number before he answered it impatiently.

            “Mr. Rollins? Can you come to my office? The results are in.”

            Sam was pretty sure he managed to force out an answer but he was scrambling out of the room and into the car so quickly he couldn’t be entirely sure.

            The drive to the office was a blur and Sam wasn’t fully aware of anything until he got to the office, completely bypassing the secretary in his rush.

            MacMahon looked a little surprised when Sam simply appeared in his office and quickly started shuffling papers around.

            “Well?” Sam prompted impatiently.

            MacMahon held out a little folder with some sheets of paper in it. “The top sheet is confirming you as the father. The others are the starting papers if you’re still sure you want to give up your parental rights.”

            For a long moment all Sam could do was stand there with the folder in his hands. Slowly he then sank into the seat in front of the desk, staring blankly at the papers in his hands. He didn’t move from there until he heard a sound coming from just behind him and his reflexes automatically pulled him from his thoughts.

            The secretary was at the door, just sticking her head inside. Before she said anything, though, the door got pushed open and a little girl padded in. She stopped just inside the office and blinked around like she’d been there before and was looking for something.

            “Puppy?” she questioned, looking right at MacMahon.

            Sam had turned in his seat once the door opened and was staring at the little girl. Even without noticing some of her features it was pretty obvious who she was. Unless it was common for five year olds to just barge into his office.

            “Uh, no. No puppy today, Morgana, sorry.” He glanced between the girl and Sam for a moment before he stepped out from around his desk.

            “Mr. Rollins. This is Morgana Jones. Morgana, come say hello to my friend. His name is Sam.”

            At that Sam’s head whipped around to stare at him. He wasn’t sure the young guy was doing it on purpose, but if he was then this was a low blow.

            The little girl stepped in a bit towards Sam and pushed some of her light brown hair out of her face. Part of it was kept back with a little clip but it was mostly loose and it looked like she liked running around based on how much of it was messy or sticking up in parts. Her eyes were light brown with a touch of light blue and Sam could easily see how someone would say she had his eyes. Because she did.

            Sam scooted forward in his seat and held one hand out. “Hi. I’m Sam.”

            She eyed him warily, glancing at MacMahon for some sign of what to do. He nodded at her so she stepped in a little and took Sam’s finger in her small hand to give it a little shake. She quickly retreated, though, and went to stand next to his secretary once more.

            “Can you please take her back outside?” MacMahon asked.

            “Her guardian is here with a few questions for you.”

            “Can it wait a few minutes?” MacMahon asked, looking slightly panicked. Sam probably should have paid more attention to why he looked that way but he hadn’t taken his gaze off the little girl. She was pressed into the secretary’s side and staring back at Sam just as intently as he was staring at her.

            MacMahon and the secretary kept up talking for a moment while Sam held Morgana’s gaze. He tried a small smile and gave her a little wave with one hand. She just narrowed her gaze and stuck her tongue out at him. He blinked but didn’t know how to react to that.

            “Mr. Rollins.” It was only then that Sam realized that they had been trying to get his attention but he was too caught up staring at Morgana. His daughter. His _five year old_ daughter.

            “Huh?” Sam blinked and looked up.

            “Would you mind starting on the paperwork? I’ve flagged most of the parts where I need your signature. If you have any questions I’ll be back in a moment. I just… need to handle something.”

            “Yeah, no problem,” Sam said, still distracted.

            “Is it alright if she stays here?”

            He nodded absently and MacMahon and the secretary both left Sam and Morgana alone.

            “Hi there,” he tried, forcing another small smile.

            Morgana didn’t say anything and continued to stare at him. Now that it was just the two of them she was just standing by the door, making no move to approach.

            Sam bit on his bottom lip for a moment. He wanted to talk to her but then he remembered he was currently holding the papers to give up his rights to see her ever again.

            “So… Miss your mom?” That was a stupid question and Sam regretted it the moment the words were out of his mouth. He wondered just how much she understood about this whole process. Or what Diana had told her about her father.

            “Momma’s gone.”

            “Uh, yeah. Do you… did she ever talk about your dad?”

            Morgana squinted at him, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Dun got one.”

            “Oh.” He cleared his throat. “Well. Everyone’s got a dad. Just… think yours was away for a while.”

            “No.” She said that so matter-of-factly that Sam didn’t know how to respond.

            “Well. It’s true.” He cleared his throat. “I’m your dad.”

            “No.” Morgana said it more forcefully this time. She was still staring Sam down as if challenging him to say it again.

            Instead he decided it was probably a good idea to switch topics. “Who are you staying with?”

            Morgana shrugged, looking away. “Some lady. She doesn’t know Momma.”

            “Oh. Uh, sorry.”

            “Do you know Momma?”

            Sam started to squirm in his seat. He had to look away, suddenly uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah. I did.”

            Morgana suddenly brightened up and bounced slightly in place. “D’you know where Momma is? When’s she comin’ home?”

            Sam’s chest tightened and he had to take a deep breath to try and relax again. Either Morgana was still too young to understand her mother was dead, or she was in some serious denial. He wished that Dean was there. This was Dean’s area of expertise. He was good with kids, a natural father figure. And he would know how to handle a five year old mourning a mother.

            “Morgana, you know… You know what happens when something dies, right?” he tried to keep his tone calm and easy.

            She eyed Sam for a moment and didn’t respond right away. “Had a fish. Momma said it died and we flushed it down the toilet.”

            “Oh.” That was something he thought he could work with. “And… And do you know what happens when people die?”

            This time there was a definite change in her expression and she looked away. She even folded her arms and stared at the floor by her feet. “Kinda.”

            “So you know… You know your mom is… She isn’t coming home.”

            Morgana didn’t react to that and Sam winced slightly, trying to think of another way to say it. Or try to understand just what the little girl was thinking. Before he could do either of those things she suddenly burst into tears, crying loudly. Sam jumped to his feet but stopped himself from automatically going to her.

            A second later MacMahon and some woman Sam didn’t know entered the room. She went to Morgana and crouched in front of her.

            “What happened?” MacMahon asked, looking just as lost as Sam. Probably more so since Sam’s confusion quickly gave way to guilt.

            “I don’t… I was asking about her mom and she started crying.” Ok, so that wasn’t the whole story but Sam didn’t need to tell the whole thing. He felt bad enough. He felt like he should be doing something for her. The urge to go over and pick her up and hold her while she cried.

            He took a step forward to do just that but then held himself back. This was ridiculous. He didn’t need to. He was in the process of signing papers to give her up. What was the point in letting himself get attached? He and Dean were in no position to take care of a child. And Sam didn’t even know if he wanted kids. There was no way he could be a good father.

            “How do I take custody?”

            MacMahon turned around and stared at Sam. Morgana was still crying just behind him and whoever had been taking care of her didn’t seem to have made any progress getting her to calm down.

            “I thought you were going to give up your rights. Mr. Rollins, this is a serious matter, you can’t just simply decide to take custody of her because you have a guilty conscience. If you really are not in a position to take care of a child then-”

            “She’s my kid, right?” Sam cut him off. “You said the DNA results proved it.”

            “Well, yes, but-”

            “Then what do I sign to take her home?” Dean was going to kill him. And Sam couldn’t bring it in himself to care.

            The young lawyer sighed and looked at his desk. “I have the papers here, as long as you’re sure. But are you positive this is what you want to do?”

            “I’m sure.”

            In the background Morgana seemed to be quieting down so Sam stepped past MacMahon to go crouch in front of her. She was so tiny that even with that he was taller than she was. She blinked up at him, eyes still brimming with tears.

            “I wan’ Momma,” she sniffed.

            “I know.” He understood that feeling all too well. And he had never even known his mother. It was easy to imagine how she felt now that the one person who had ever taken care of her in her entire life was gone. “Do you want to come home with me? We can talk about your mom, and you can meet my brother. We’ll get you a room and some toys…”

            That made her pause and she calmed a little bit more. “I wanna go home.”

            Sam could feel the other two adults in the room staring at his back so he tried to ignore them. “I’m gonna take you to a new home. How’s that sound?”

            “I wanna go home.”

            Sam sighed a bit. He was starting to get the feeling that she knew more than she was letting on and she was just a stubborn little kid. Instead of answering her he looked up towards MacMahon. “Can I take her today?”

            “She has a few things at our house. Some of her toys and clothes that we were able to hold on from the other house,” the woman who had been taking care of her supplied.

            Sam nodded. “I can pick all those things up.”

            MacMahon sighed and shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Why don’t you take Morgana back and start helping her pack. I’ll finish up the paperwork with Mr. Rollins.”

            The woman nodded and reached for Morgana’s hand. She sniffed a bit and shot a dark look up at the woman but otherwise didn’t complain.

            “I’ll see you later, ok?” Sam gave her a small smile that she didn’t return before she was led out of the room.

            “Are you sure about this?” MacMahon asked once it was just the two of them again.

            “Absolutely not,” Sam replied honestly, taking his seat again. “But I’m her father. She should be with family.”

            That seemed to be enough for him and he went to get the new paperwork started while Sam waited. He played with his phone in his pocket but decided against calling Dean just yet. There was no easy way to explain it all to his brother so Sam wanted to wait.

 

            The paperwork with MacMahon took about as long as Sam had expected. They covered everything in Diana’s will to a few things that she had left as sort of care instructions for Morgana. Sam still wasn’t clear on just how Diana had died but MacMahon wasn’t telling. When they were finished with everything that he had to tell Sam he was finally able to leave to get Morgana.

            Apparently most of her things were still at the old house, waiting for it to be emptied and then sold. The profits from the sale were to be put into a trust fund for Morgana, per Diana’s will. Considering how thorough she had been with everything Sam had to assume she knew something was coming and had prepared accordingly. In a way it made things a little easier for Sam. Not that anything about this was going to be easy.

            When he was finally done at the office he drove to the house where Morgana was staying. Sam had learned the woman was a foster care volunteer, although she did get a certain stipend for the children in her care. He walked up to the house and knocked. He could already hear the kids inside running around and playing despite the fact it was already late in the evening.

            It took her some time to finally make it to the door and she looked more than a little harried by the time she let him in.

            “Come on in, Mr. Rollins, I’ve been trying to get Morgana to pack since we got home.”

            “Trying?”

            She gave him a look and he understood. So far his understanding of Morgana was that of a kid who was stubborn and not afraid to make a stand against things she didn’t want to do.

            “Did you finish making plans with MacMahon about picking up the rest of her things?”

            Sam grimaced a little. “Kind of. I don’t know yet how to set up her… room where I live. I made arrangements to put her things in storage for now and when I get things worked out back home I’ll get her stuff.”

            “Whatever works for you. Not my place anymore to judge.” She led Sam to a large playroom. Morgana was there with some other kids but she was sitting off to the side clinging to a well worn looking doll.

            Sam went into the room and went to go stand over by Morgana, crouching down once he was at her side. “Hey there. Remember me?”

            Morgana tore her gaze from the other kids to look at him. She was sitting on a toy box so they were finally closer to being eye to eye. “You’re Sam.”

            He smiled a bit, heartened by that. “Yeah, that’s me.”

            “‘m I gonna live with you now?”

            Sam nodded with a small smile. It felt as if every smile he’d given her so far was forced and he had a bad feeling she was able to pick up on that. “Yeah, that’s the plan. You ok with that?”

            Morgana dropped her gaze so she could go back to brushing the hair of her doll. She shrugged in response.

            Sam decided that would have to do for now. “Well. Emilia is gonna help me pack up your stuff in my car now. Then I’ll come back and get you, ok?

            The only response he received was another shrug. It was as much as he could hope for so he got back to his feet.

            Emilia was waiting for him and together the two of them packed up his car in only a few minutes. Morgana just had a little backpack and two suitcases of clothes and toys. She showed Sam how to hook up the car seat in the back. He was grateful for that because he wasn’t sure he’d ever had to do something more complicated in his entire life.

            When they were finished they went back in the house. Sam was expecting to have to track Morgana down but she was actually waiting by the front door, doll still clutched in her arms and already wearing her jacket.

            Sam was a little surprised but definitely pleased. “Ready to go?”

            She shrugged again. He was starting to get the impression that would probably be the best he would be getting from her for a while. Sam had to just hope that over time she would give him better responses than just a shrug.

            It was more than a little astonishing to him that already he was starting to think of how things would be between them in the future. While that was nice he also decided he probably had to stay focused on things between them to make sure that went well.

            “Well, c’mon then.” After that they both said their goodbyes to Emilia and the other kids. Considering the rest of Morgana’s things were on their way to storage they wouldn’t have any reason to come back to the foster home. That alone was kind of terrifying to Sam in all kinds of ways.

            As he got Morgana strapped into her seat in the car he knew that there was no chance of turning back. She was now his responsibility and would be that way for the rest of her life. That thought alone made his breath catch in his throat and he stopped what he was doing.

            “What?” Morgana prompted. “D’you forget? Gotta put that one here,” she said as she pointed at the straps.

            Sam visibly shook himself but did as she instructed. Then he gave a little tug to the straps. “That ok?”

            Morgana shrugged. Again. That was still going to take some getting used to.

            Once he started driving Sam tried to keep up some kind of conversation with her. His questions went unanswered, though, and he gave up as they got closer to the motel. It took two trips for him to get her inside and then drag her things in.

            Morgana started poking around the motel room and Sam was definitely glad that he’d gotten a slightly nicer room than the ones he and Dean usually stayed at.

            “Hey, Morgana, have you seen your pjs?” Sam was going through practically every inch of her suitcases. There was a pile of clothes and toys on the bed and he had no idea how Emilia had packed everything to fit.

            “Nope,” she said, still poking around the room.

            Sam groaned and doubled his search. Finally he pulled the small pjs from a pile of things he’d already searched through. “Ok, c’mere. Let’s get you changed and ready for bed.”

            “Not sleepy.”

            “Well.” Sam straightened up and held out the pjs. “Still gotta go to sleep. We have a long drive tomorrow.”

            “Nope.” Morgana turned away to go wander into the bathroom but Sam just got up and followed her.

            “Well. At least change? And then we can watch some tv.”

            She turned around and eyed him suspiciously. “I wanna watch cartoons.”

            “I don’t know if cartoons are on right now,” Sam said honestly. “But if you get into your pjs we’ll check.”

            “Cartoons.”

            Sam sighed and shook the pjs at her. “Get changed.”

            “ _Cartoons_.”

            “As soon as you get changed.”

            Morgana frowned. “Momma says I gotta be in pjs after bathtime.”

            “Oh.” Sam blinked. There was a tub in the bathroom but he wasn’t sure how to do the bath thing. “Well. We have to do things a little different now.”

            Morgana folded her arms and looked down again. “ I dun wanna.”

            Sam sighed and stepped in so he was crouching in front of her again. “I know you don’t. But let’s try it this way tonight. And then you can tell me more about how your mom did stuff. Would that be ok?”

            “No.” She was still looking down and didn’t sound quite as forceful as she had in the past.

            “Morgana.” Sam scooted forward and wiggled the pjs at her. “Just tonight. Get dressed and you can watch cartoons on my laptop.” He smiled a bit in hopes of encouraging her.

            It took another moment but she finally reluctantly took the clothes.

            “Thanks.”

            She glared darkly at him and just about slammed the door on him, making Sam have to scramble backwards to get out of the way in time. He sighed a bit but got up and went to his laptop to get it set up. He had no idea what cartoons she would want to watch. What cartoons were even on for kids to watch?

            Within fifteen minutes he had a new Netflix account and almost a dozen YouTube tabs open with various episodes of cartoons. Only then did he realize that Morgana hadn’t come out of the bathroom yet.

            “Morgana?”

            Just before he could get up to go check on her the door opened and the little girl emerged.

            “Cartoons now?” she asked, hauling herself up onto the other bed. She sat cross legged and folded her arms, looking over at Sam darkly.

            “Do you have a favorite cartoon?” Sam asked. He got up off his bed and went to sit next to her on the edge of her bed.

            “I like Scooby Doo,” she replied simply.

            “Ok, I think I’ve got that,” he replied, feeling a little bit better with that knowledge. He pulled up the right tab and put on the first episode. He set the laptop between the two of them, and Morgana pulled her knees up to her chest as she watched the screen.

            Sam looked her over, letting out a breath of relief that he seemed to at least have gotten this much right. As he looked over Morgana he realized she had about four different hair clips in her hair.

            “Do you take those out at night?”

            She shook her head, gaze staying firmly on the screen. “Emilia and Momma take ‘em out for me.”

            “Oh.” He scooted in a little. “Should probably take them out before you go to sleep.”

            Morgana finally glanced up at him. “I dunno how.” She stared at him like he was stupid.

            “Right.” He sighed. “Mind if I take ‘em out for you?”

            She continued staring him down. Briefly Sam thought that this kid could probably give Cas a run for his money. “Don’t pull my hair.”

            Sam nodded seriously. “I’ll try not to.”

            He had to scoot around her so she and the laptop didn’t have to move. It took him a minute to figure out the little clips before he could start to get them out of her hair.

            When he was done Morgana grabbed the laptop and scooted back so she was sitting back against the headboard and could still see the screen.

            “Momma brushes my hair before bed.”

            “Oh.” Sam remembered that he’d seen a hairbrush in her backpack earlier. “Should I do that?”

            “Don’t tug.” Morgana resumed staring hard at him.

            “Ok, but you have to move so I can sit behind you, ok?”

            Morgan shifted her spot but left the laptop so she could go back to it later.

            Sam went to grab the supplies out of her bag. He grabbed the first brush he saw and turned back around to face her.

            “Not that one.”

            “What?”

            “S’not the right one.”

            Sam started digging around in the backpack again. This time he pulled out another brush and some detangling spray. “Is this it?”

            Morgana nodded.

            Sam went over to sit behind her and stared at the back of her head for a moment. He’d never had to do anything like this before and again he silently wished that he could at least have his brother there. Dean may have not had any experience with little girls but he probably knew what to do anyway. He started with the brush that Morgana had told him that he was supposed to use and figured it couldn’t be that hard. He went to work and felt pretty good about it.

            Until he hit the first knot. It was buried practically all the way in the back of her head and she yelped loudly when he hit it.

            “I said no tuggin’!”

            “Ok, ok. I get it. Sorry.” Sam grimaced and grabbed the detangler spray. He read the instructions over twice between spraying some into her hair. He had no idea what made it so magical that it would somehow make the knot go away but he had hope that it would. Ultimately he felt like it just made her head wet and wasn’t sure that was actually helpful at all.

            “That hurts!” Morgana slapped one little hand over the back of her head and pulled away from Sam.

            “I know, I’m sorry.” He grimaced and put a hand on her shoulder to pull her back so he could try again. “It’s just a really big knot here. What’d you do, rub your head all over the floor?”

            “Was learnin’ to do rolls,” she replied easily.

            “Oh, of course.” Sam sighed and went back to the knot. “How was it?”     

            “Was fun. ‘m gettin’ good at it. Real good.”

            Sam smiled a bit. Talking seemed to help keep her off the focus of what he was doing. “Yeah? Tomorrow you’ll have to show me.”

            “Could show you now.”

            “No, it’s bedtime now. In the morning. Plus your hair will get all messy again. Don’t want that.” Mostly he didn’t want her hair to get messy again.

            Morgana sighed heavily. “Ok.”

            That was a small victory but Sam felt relief flood him anyway. “Maybe you can even teach me.”

            She tilted her head back to look at him, giving him a look. He was starting to get used to those. “You’re too big.”

            “Oh. That’s too bad.”

            They went quiet then and Sam was glad when he realized that he was able to pull the brush through all sections of her hair without hitting any snags. Maybe that detangler spray really was magic after all.

            “Ok, all done.”

            Morgana scooted back into her spot. This time she pulled the blankets up and slid underneath them and continued to watch the screen.

            “Comfy?” Sam asked. He got to his feet and decided he should probably get ready for bed too. He hadn’t brought any pj pants with him since he normally slept in t-shirt and some boxers when he was alone. Or with Dean. Walking around in his underwear never seemed like a problem with the brothers but that had definitely changed now. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d slept in his jeans so he could do it again tonight. If he was even able to get any sleep.

            “S’ok. Where’s my doll?”

            Sam walked over to her backpack and picked up the doll. “This one?”

            Morgana held out her hands for the doll and nodded. “She sleeps with me.”

            “Oh, got it.” Sam walked over and held the doll out to her. “What’s her name?

            “Diana. Like Momma.”

            Sam smiled a bit at that but there was a sad edge to it. He thought about bringing up the topic of Diana’s death again but it was too close to bedtime. Maybe he should leave it alone until he could talk to Dean. If anyone would know how to deal with a kid this age losing a mom it was Dean. It was probably not good how much Sam was relying on his brother for this without even having told him about the situation.

            “That’s a good name.”

            Morgana grabbed one of the brushes Sam had pulled out and started to use it on the doll’s hair. It was no longer shiny and was thinning in some places but was obviously very well cared for.

            “Did your mom get you that doll?”

            She nodded, still brushing the doll’s hair. “For Christmas. I changed her name.”

            “Yeah? When?”

            Morgana shrugged. “Coupla weeks ago.”

            Sam had a feeling why. “Oh. Well. It’s a really great name.” He went back over and peered over the laptop to see how much longer until the end of the episode. “After this it’s bedtime, ok?”

            Morgana glared at him. “‘m not sleepy yet. Where are we goin’ tomorrow?”

            Sam sighed a bit and went to sit next to her again. With her back against the headboard he sat on the edge so he could easily twist to face her. “We’re gonna go to where I live with my brother.”

            “Where is it?”

            “In Kansas. It’s a few hours away.”

            Morgana’s focus stayed on the doll for the whole conversation. “What’re we gonna do there?”

            “We’ll get you a room set up. You can hang out with my brother. He’s pretty cool. I think you’ll like him.”

            She stayed quiet for a long moment. “Is Momma gonna come?”

            “We’ll, uh. We’ll talk about that in the morning, ok?”

            She frowned more but dropped that part of the conversation. “Am I gonna live with you now?”

            “Yeah, that’s right. You’ll be with me and my brother, kind of like how you were with Emilia.”

            “Do you have any kids?”

            Sam gave a faint smile. “There are no other kids there, no. But I do have a kid. You’re my kid.” That felt weird to say. The idea that this little person sitting in front of him was actually his flesh and blood was still sinking in and he didn’t know how long until that felt natural. Or if it ever would.

            That made Morgana’s head snap up and she pushed the laptop away until it hit Sam in the side of the leg. “No! I’m not yours!”

            Sam blinked and straightened up. “Yeah. I’m taking care of you now.”

            “No!”

            This conversation was deteriorating quickly and Sam knew he had to get into a different conversation and fast.

            “Is the episode over yet?” he asked quietly.

            Morgana flopped herself back against the pillows and nodded. She had the doll clutched tightly to her chest. “Yeah.”

            Sam reached over and closed the laptop so he could toss it onto the other bed. “Ok. Bedtime.”

            Morgana didn’t move from her spot all pressed up against the headboard of the bed.

            “Uh. Gotta lay down.”

            “Still not sleepy.”

            “But we agreed that bedtime was after cartoons.”

            Morgana blinked at him. “Are you sleepin’ here?”

            “Yeah, this is my bed.”

            “Oh.”

            Sam shifted a bit. “Do you need… to be tucked in or something?”

            “Maybe.”

            That was enough of an answer. If things were going as Sam suspected then that meant yes. He got to his feet and went over, pulling the blankets up so she could slide further down on the bed.

            “Alright, c’mon. In you go.”

            Morgana eyed him but finally did wiggle further down on the bed and then faceplanted into her pillow. She still held the doll tightly to her chest. Sam wasn’t entirely sure how being tucked in worked so he just pulled the blankets up to her chin and patted her shoulder. “That good?”

            The little girl nodded quietly and closed her eyes.

            “Is it ok if I turn the light off?”

            She nodded. “Can’t sleep with the light on.”

            “Ok.” Sam reached over and turned the light off. He then realized that he probably needed to do some work on his laptop, but since she had said she couldn’t sleep with the light on he decided to not even bother. He simple climbed under the covers himself and tried to get comfortable.

            The bed was no harder than any motel room he’d been in before but that wasn’t why he couldn’t get to sleep. He kept looking at the other bed and peering at Morgana in the gloom. There was enough light coming in for her to see her. She had fallen asleep pretty quickly and Sam was grateful for that much at least. She was going to need plenty of rest for the drive tomorrow. He had no idea how that would go over.

            It was well into the night by the time Sam finally fell asleep, curled up on his side and facing Morgana so he could keep a close eye on her.


	2. Chapter 2

            The next morning Sam jumped awake when his alarm went off. He rarely set alarms because Dean was usually awake before him so that was startling in and of itself.

            Then he just about fell out of bed as he scrambled to get out and on to his feet.

            “Morgana?”

            The little girl wasn’t in her bed and he strode over to the bathroom to look for her there. He even pulled back the shower curtain. She wasn’t in there and he whipped around. A quick check under the beds told him that she was not there; there was actually no way for her to be there considering the beds were sitting on solid bases.

            “Morgana!” As Sam spun around he realized that her little backpack was gone, as well as her doll. That signaled to him that she hadn’t been taken by an outside force and had likely grabbed her things to go outside under her own power. He grabbed his boots to tug them on, silently cursing the fact that he hadn’t slept with them on the way he usually did. He didn’t lace them or grab his jacket and the second he was able to he sprinted out of the door and into the parking lot.

            “Morgana!” He looked all around and couldn’t stop all the dozens of horrible scenarios that had gone through his mind. Somehow she’d gotten out of the room without him hearing the door opening. What if she’d left hours ago? She could be anywhere.

            Sam sprinted across the parking lot and towards the road. It was a quiet street at least and he stared down both ways. It was cool out and he was aware of it enough to wonder just how warm Morgana was with her coat. What if someone had driven by and picked her up? What if she had started walking hours ago but was already cold?

            As Sam reached into his pocket he started sprinting down the street in an arbitrary direction. The only thing he could think was it was the way they had driven there and the street led back towards Emilia’s house. There was a chance Morgana would try to go back there.

            “What’s up, Sammy?” Dean answered on almost the first ring. It didn’t make any sense to call Dean considering his brother had no idea what was going on or that Sam had custody of a child. But whenever he needed help his first instinct was to call Dean and this just made Sam panic. Therefore his first thought was Dean.

            “Dean, I’ve got a problem, I-” Sam cut off as he realized that inside a convenience store just down the street he caught sight of a bright pink backpack. When he turned to look even harder he realized it was the same backpack as Morgana’s. “Morgana!”

            “Sam, what-”

            “Gotta go, call you later,” Sam said shortly and then shoved the phone back into his pocket. He pushed into the convenience store and saw the little girl there. The clerk was there as well, crouching down in front of her and talking with her.

            “Morgana, what are you doing here?” Sam said, out of breath from panic and the short sprint down the street.

            The clerk looked up at Sam as he came in, eyebrows going up when he saw him. “Kid, is this your dad?”

            She glared darkly. “I don’t have a daddy.”

            Sam sighed and looked up at the clerk. The last thing he wanted was for the police to get called or for MacMahon to hear that he hadn’t even had custody of the little girl for twenty four hours before she ran away from him. “I know this looks bad, trust me. But I need you to believe me. This is my daughter, it’s just that her mother just died and I just got custody of her…”

            He looked down and Morgana was still glaring up at him.

            “You get this doesn’t look too great, right, mister?”

            Sam nodded and reached into his pocket. “I know it doesn’t, I’m sorry.” Without any hesitation he pulled out his FBI badge, the same one he must have flashed over five years ago when he met Morgana’s mother. “But trust me, I’m not doing anything wrong here. We’re just… taking some time getting used to each other.”

            The clerk seemed satisfied with the badge and nodded. “Ok. Kid, no more running away from your dad. It’s not good.”

            Sam forced a smile and turned back to Morgana. “C’mon. Let’s go back so we can get out of here.”

            She just stared at him for a moment and then just turned and stormed away. Sam quickly hurried after her and went to reach down and grab her hand once they were outside.

            She looked over but just turned away, huffing and clinging to her doll tighter.

            “Morgana.” Sam stopped her just a few steps outside the convenience store and crouched in front of her again. She refused to look at him and he didn’t say anything for a long moment, simply looking the little girl over. “Why’d you leave?”

            She still wouldn’t look at him and shrugged both shoulders.

            “Morgana. This is serious.” Sam kept his tone even and gentle but firm. He knew things weren’t going to be easy, but this seemed like a fairly big deal and he wanted to know what she was thinking. As someone who had made a habit of running away, though, he thought he had a good idea why. “Why’d you leave?”

            “Wanna find my Momma,” she finally answered, voice thick.

            Sam swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Where do you think she is?”

            Morgana looked at him then, eyes shining brightly. “I dunno. She… Maybe she’s home?”

            “You know that’s not true,” he said quietly.

            She sniffed then and hiccupped with tears that she was trying to hold back. “I wan’... I wan’...” She didn’t finish that sentence before the tears started falling and she started crying fully.

            That was the reaction Sam was afraid of, but he was also glad for it in a way. That meant that Morgana was aware of just what had happened to Diana, just as Sam had suspected. He wasn’t sure what to say, so all he did was carefully wrap his arm around the little girl and pull her into a hug. The sling protecting his right arm made the hug a little awkward but she didn’t care. She held on to her doll with one hand and used the other to grip at his shirt tightly.

            She showed no signs of calming down anytime soon and he didn’t want to be out in the middle of the street hugging a crying child. It was easy enough to adjust his arm around her and then Sam scooped her up effortlessly.

            Unlike the day before she wasn’t wailing quite so badly so it was a bit easier to handle her. Sam just tucked her close and headed back to the motel, letting her soak the shoulder of his shirt with her tears.

            Once they were back at the motel Sam wasn’t sure if he could put her down or not. She was still crying fairly uncontrollably. Not that he could blame her. Since he couldn’t decide if it was safe to put her down he sat down on the edge of his bed and continued to hold her. It took a moment but he started to try to murmur reassuring things to her and rub at her back with his hand, telling her it was going to be ok.

            Whether that actually helped or not Sam wasn’t sure but after a few minutes she started to settle back down. Morgana fell into little hiccup cries and started to loosen her grip and Sam adjusted her to let her straighten up. As she did he sat back so he could get a look at her. She looked flushed and the coat was probably making her too warm because she was sweaty as well as tear streaked.

            “You ok?” he asked gently, pushing some of her hair back with one hand.

            Morgana shook her head and sniffed again.

            “Didn’t think so.” He adjusted her on his lap so she was sitting down. “Let’s get you out of your coat and washed up. Then we’ll get some breakfast. That sound ok?”

            She wiped at her face and shrugged. “C’n we get pancakes?

            Sam smiled slightly and nodded. “We can definitely get pancakes.” He then helped her out of the backpack and coat. “First let’s get you changed into real clothes.”

            “I wanna wear my pink shirt.”

            “You can. Just show me which one.”

            “Ok.” Morgana seemed a little more placated with that and even helped Sam get her out of the coat and backpack.

            He was able to locate an outfit she was willing to wear pretty quickly. He sent her to the bathroom to change and he took advantage of the time to change out of his own shirt and into another and his jacket. It didn’t take very long for them to then pack the car back up and check out of the motel.

            Eating at the diner went smoothly enough and Sam pretty much agreed to anything that she wanted. That involved a big stack of pancakes, chocolate milk and whipped cream on almost everything. He was more than a little concerned about letting her get sick but decided to not pick his battles that morning.

            After the diner he got her back into the car, strapped into her car seat and explained to her that they had a long drive ahead of them and to just speak up whenever she needed anything. Especially a bathroom break. Morgana seemed ok with that and nodded quietly, more subdued for now.

            Sam still hadn’t explained to Dean what was going on, or even talked him outside of the brief panicked phone call. He knew it was going to be tough but started driving, deciding to talk to his brother once they got back to the bunker.

 

            Sam had known from the beginning that up and taking Morgana back to the bunker wasn’t going to be easy. He anticipated all kinds of problems like the reaction he would get from Dean to just which room he could use to give to her so she would be able to be comfortable.

            He did not, however, anticipate all the problems they would hit on the _way_ to the bunker.

            About an hour in to the ride Sam had stopped checking his rear view mirror to get a glimpse of what Morgana was doing. His focus was almost entirely on driving and what he was going to say to Dean when he started to notice Morgana was making small grunting sounds. He checked the mirror again to see what was going on and realized she looked suddenly pale.

            “You ok, Morgana?”

            Her only response was a little whine and Sam pulled the car over to the shoulder of the highway as fast as safely possible. He hopped out of the car to check on her.

            Just in time for the little girl to heave and then be sick all over the front of his shirt and her own clothes. It took some time to clean that all up and Sam was just grateful that she had mostly missed the car seat and interior of the car. He had to pull out a change of clothes of her bag and helped her change her clothes just outside the car. He then had to fight to change his own shirt which involved removing the sling and favoring his arm but after about twenty minutes total they were back on the road. Sam made a note to not give Morgana that much sugar and junk food and then stick her in a car for a long trip.

            In comparison the rest of the trip went smoothly. They stopped another four times for bathroom breaks and to get a snack. This time Sam only let her eat something simple and gave her a ginger ale.

            It took almost twice as long to get back to Lebanon than it did to get there but Sam knew there was nothing he could have done about it. Morgana was impatient and grumpy by the time they pulled into the garage.

            “I gotta go th’ bathroom!” she complained again, tugging at the straps of her car seat.

            Sam was already out of the car and making his way to her. “I know, I know. Gimme a second.” He managed to release her from the car seat and she hopped out of the car on her own. Sam didn’t want to fight with the bags of her things for now so he decided to leave them.

            Morgana stared all around the garage, eyes a bit wide. It was hard for Sam to suppress a smile, enjoying the look of awe and surprise on her face.

            “C’mon, bathroom’s this way,” he said, nodding towards the hall with his head. She tore her gaze away from the old motorcycle and moved to pad after him. Since it was already almost the evening he was sure Dean was probably either making dinner or already eating some take out. The Impala was in the garage so at least Sam knew that Dean was home.

            He led Morgana down towards him room where there was a bathroom and stood outside while she went inside to do whatever she needed to do.

            “Did you wash your hands?” he asked as she emerged again.

            Morgana nodded once and held up her still damp hands, wiggling her fingers up at him.

            “Ok, good.” He held out a hand to her but she just pulled her hands back. He tried to not take it personally and started down towards his room.

            “So listen, I’m gonna take you to my room and you can play there for a little while. I have to go talk to my brother about some things and then I’ll come get you.”

            “Where are we?”

            “In Lebanon, Kansas. This is where I live with my brother.”

            “It’s weird,” she announced firmly.

            Sam couldn’t exactly deny that and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll show you around later, how’s that sound?”

            Morgana shrugged.

            “Ok, we’ll do that.”

            He pushed the door open for her. “Now just stay in here, ok? I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

            Morgana ignored him for the most part and hopped up onto the bed immediately. She slid out of her backpack and coat and settled on the bed with her doll.

            Once Sam was satisfied he closed the door and went looking for Dean. He was just coming out of the kitchen with a plate of food and looked up in surprise as Sam appeared.

            “Hey, you’re still alive. Was about to get ready to head out there and save your ass,” Dean said. “What happened?”

            Sam shifted on his feet and tried to think of a way to start explaining things to Dean. “Well… It’s… Kind of a long story.”

            “Not a case, though, right?”

            “No. No, definitely not,” Sam replied with a little forced laugh. “Not a case. But… We need to talk.”

            Dean tensed visibly and sat down at what passed for their dining room table. “We probably don’t, but-”

            “No, Dean,” Sam cut him off a little impatiently. “This isn’t about us. Well. It sure affects us but this is my problem.”

            That made Dean pay attention and his expression sobered. “Thought you said there wasn’t a case.”

            Sam only barely resisted rolling his eyes. “You remember how I was when I… When I didn’t have a soul?”

            Dean scoffed and took a bite of his food. “Kinda hard to forget, Sammy, it was a memorable time in our lives.”

            “And you remember that there were… I had a tendency to sleep with a lot of different people?”

            Dean had stopped paying attention to his food and now his attention was entirely on Sam. “What are you gettin’ at? You got a secret kid running around out there?” He gave a little laugh at his joke but Sam didn’t react.

            “Yes.”

            Dean had been in the process of taking a swig of his beer and he promptly choked and sputtered on the liquid. “What?”

            “Her name’s Morgana, she’s five and her mom just died.” He paused and shifted on his feet. “And she’s hanging out in my room right now.”

            “I really hope this is some kind of joke, Sam. Payback for the shit I pulled on you?”

            Sam shook his head. “You wanna come meet her?”

            “Yeah, but only so I can figure out just how you’re joking about this. Maybe you’re losing your mind again.”

            Sam shrugged and turned to lead the way back to his room. Maybe going crazy again would be easier than suddenly being dumped with the responsibility of being a father.

            As the two approached Sam’s room he glanced over his shoulder at Dean. “She’s shy so don’t take it personally. And she got car sick earlier so I’m gonna heat up some canned soup I bought on the ride here-” He cut off when he saw that his door was open even though he’d closed it on purpose before he left Morgana alone.

            “Morgana?” He hurried forward and stopped in the doorway. Once again the room was empty but her coat and backpack were left behind this time.

            Behind him, Dean looked questioningly at him. “What’s goin’ on?” He was still far enough back that he couldn’t see the empty room.

            “She’s gone. Again.” Sam stepped out of the room and spun in a full circle for some sign of where she had gone. Dean finally got close enough to look inside and see the coat and backpack.

            “Let’s check the garage, maybe she thought she could get out that way,” Dean suggested and then slipped past Sam to lead the way there.

            Sam was right on his heels as the two burst into the garage. They both scanned the area in unison but Sam was the first one to dart forward.

            “Morgana!” He rushed over to the little girl who was reaching up to the motorcycle so she could sit her doll on the seat. If he’d had use of both his arms he probably would have scooped her up out of relief at seeing her.

            She looked less than impressed at seeing him, though, and gave Dean the same dark glare she had been giving Sam the past day.

            “‘m just playin’!”

            “I told you to stay in my room.” Sam knew that he sounded more frustrated and annoyed than he had meant to. But it was hard to push down the new spike of panic at seeing her gone. “You could have gotten hurt or gotten lost!”

            “I hate it here!” She grabbed her doll off the motorcycle and stormed past Sam, stomping forcibly. He turned to watch her go, at a complete loss of what to do or say in response to that.

            Dean went into action right away, though, and stepped into her path. He bent over and scooped her up before she could try to get away. Her reaction wasn’t calm, though, and she immediately started flailing her legs to try and kick out at Dean.

            “Pu’ me down!”

            Dean had definitely anticipated that reaction, though, because he held her out at arm’s length and let her little legs flail around without connecting with any part of his body. “Sure thing, kiddo, but you’ve gotta promise me something first.”

            “No! Down!” Morgana made a high pitched squeal of annoyance but Dean still didn’t put her down and Sam watched the two. He wasn’t sure whether to step in or not so he let his brother handle it.

            The only response Dean gave to her arguing and complaining was to stare at her evenly and look thoroughly unimpressed. “You done?”

            She huffed at him but seemed to relent and she sagged in his arms.

            “Good girl.” Dean nodded once and then smiled softly at her. “Now I’m gonna put you down and then we’ll go and get you some dinner. There’s leftover Chinese or some soup that Sam bought you. You can pick what you want, but those are your options.”

            Morgana stayed quiet for a moment but seemed to think it over. “I like Chinese,” she said finally.

            “Ok. Chinese it is.” Dean put her down finally and she returned to clutching the doll tightly to her chest with both her arms. He put a hand at the back of her head- since she was so short that was the easiest place for him to reach without bending over too much- and started to lead her back towards the hallway and then the kitchen.

            Sam didn’t say anything and simply trailed after them quietly. On one hand he felt justified in thinking that Dean would know how to handle the little girl. That one moment alone proved that Dean had a much better understanding of how to deal with kids than Sam did. But on the other hand Sam couldn’t deny the bitter feeling in his chest that Dean was a natural with kids and it was all Sam could do to just get her from Missouri to the bunker in one piece and without her hating him.

            When they got to the living area Dean bent over to pick Morgana up and place her on one of the chairs. “Gotta wait here if you want me to bring you dinner, got it?”

            Morgan nodded and scooted herself back in the chair.

            “Ok, good.” Dean glanced over at Sam before leaning in towards Morgana again. “I’m gonna leave my little brother here with you so you can keep an eye on him while I get your food. Think you can do that for me?”

            The little girl’s gaze slid over to Sam suspiciously but she nodded when she looked back at Dean.

            “Thanks.” He gave her a small smile and patted her head, then heading off to the kitchen.

            Sam wasn’t sure what to do with himself so he just stood there and let Morgana stare him down. He huffed a little and finally dropped into a chair of his own.

            Dean came back a few minutes later and put down a plate of food in front of Morgana. She brightened up when she saw it and allowed Dean to push her chair in so she was closer to the table. He waited for her to take a few bites.

            “Good?”

            She nodded happily.

            “Ok. Thanks for keeping an eye on my brother, you did a great job. Now I’m gonna take him over there and talk for a minute. Let us know if you need something.” He patted her head once more and then went over to Sam. He caught his good arm and then tugged Sam out of the chair and over to the side where they could have a quiet conversation.

            “What the _hell, Sam?_ ” Dean hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

            Sam favored him with an unamused expression and pursed his lips. “I tried to tell you already!”

            “I thought you were joking! Or crazy! What are you thinking bringin’ a kid around here?”

            “What was I supposed to do? She’s my kid, Dean, so I brought her back to her our home.”

            “How do you know she’s yours? Have you thought about the kinds of shit that could be using this kid against you?”

            Sam bristled and straightened up. “Seriously, Dean? You think I didn’t think about that? I got a DNA test, that’s why I was out there so long.”

            “Oh, because those can’t be faked. Did you even test ‘er, Sam?”

            “She’s a little kid, Dean!” Sam had to fight to keep his voice down and glanced over Dean’s shoulder. Morgana was still eating happily and ignoring them.

            “Oh, right, because monsters have never used little girls to try and come and kill us!”

            Sam gritted his teeth and fought to keep himself from saying the first thing that came to mind. “What was I supposed to do, Dean? She’s my kid. Just because she was born when I had no soul doesn’t mean I can just dump her into the system now.”

            “And how the hell are we supposed to raise a kid?”

            “We?” Sam repeated. To be fair, he had hoped that Dean would at least help him with Morgana but he also knew that she was his sole responsibility. “She’s my kid, Dean. My responsibility and I’ll figure it out. Besides, Dad did it, right?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them, though. Using their father as an example was a bad idea and he knew it. Yes John Winchester did what he thought was best at the time and yes Sam forgave him for all of it. But that did not mean that Sam was going to do the same to this little girl.

            “So you’re gonna teach her to hunt?”

            “No!” Sam’s expression darkened. “Of course not. But… She’s my daughter. She’s my responsibility. I’ll figure something out.”

            Dean shook his head and huffed. “This is a bad idea, Sam.”

            “What other choice do I have, Dean? I’m not putting this kid into the system. I’m not putting _my_ kid into the system. I would have thought you of all people would understand that.”

            “Look, I get it, ok? I do,” Dean said, trying to calm Sam down. He could tell that his little brother was getting agitated and the last thing he wanted was for them to get into another fight. “I would’ve wanted to take care of Emma, but that just wasn’t possible.”

            “This is different,” Sam told him. “And you know it. Emma wasn’t really yours.”

            “Sam-”

            “No, listen. I know what you mean. But I have a chance here. I can take care of Morgana. Yeah, it’s going to take a lot of work but I can do this.”

            “And hunting?”

            Sam shrugged. “I have to take this one day at a time, Dean. I need you to understand that. Please.”

            Dean relented slightly and nodded slowly. “Fine. One day at a time. Got it.”

            “Thank you,” Sam said quietly.

            “But we’re doin’ one of those home DNA tests. That way we know for sure you didn’t get duped.”

            Sam had to bite back a comment again. He knew he didn’t get duped as Dean thought. He wasn’t that stupid but then he had also taken a good look at Morgana. There was no denying the family resemblance and Dean would just have to get used to that. “Fine. Whatever you want.”

            Dean seemed satisfied with that and nodded. “Ok. Great. Now let’s go take care of this kid.”

            Before he could fully turn to go Sam reached out and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder to stop him. He wanted to thank him but Dean waved a hand before he could get the words out.

            “Don’t worry, you’ll be paying me back for this later.”

            Sam smiled at that and nodded. Together they both went back over to sit with Morgana. Dean pulled a chair up next to her and Sam sat across.

            “Hey there, kiddo,” Dean said as he sat down. “How’s that food?”

            Morgana looked up at him and nodded happily. “S’good.”

            “Ok, that’s a relief.” Dean sat back in his chair and just watched Morgana for a moment.

            Sam didn’t say anything either, happy to just sit back and let the two get to know each other for a while.

            “So earlier in the garage we didn’t get to introduce ourselves,” Dean said seriously even as Morgana kept shoveling food into her mouth. “My name’s Dean.”

            Morgana glanced over at him. “Morgana.” She hefted the doll to show Dean. “This is Diana. Like Momma.”

            “That’s a great name,” Dean replied seriously. “Nice to meet both of you. Now, my brother here, you know him already, Sam says that he knew your mom.”

            Morgana shrugged and suddenly started to studiously ignore him as she pushed food around on her plate. “Guess so.”

            “Sam also tells me that he’s your dad.”

            Before Dean could continue that sentence Morgana had turned to glare at him. “No! He’s not my daddy!”

            Dean blinked in surprised and sat back some more. “Oh. Why’s that?”

            Morgana shrugged. “Momma says I don’ got a daddy.”

            “Oh, I see. Well, maybe your mom just didn’t want to tell you about him since he wasn’t living with you.”

            She actually seemed to be thinking that over as Sam watched them both intently. He wished he knew how Dean could so flawlessly handle having a conversation with such a small kid.

            “Does everyone have a daddy?” Morgana asked, blinking up at Dean.

            He nodded once. “Yeah, they do. Sam and I had the same dad because we’re brothers. But I’m older than he is.”

            Morgana looked down again, biting down on her bottom lip. “But I don’t want him to be my daddy.”

            “Oh.” Dean nodded again and seemed to be understanding everything she was saying.

            Sam, on the other hand, had dropped his gaze and wished he could escape to somewhere else; anywhere else. He tried to tell himself that Morgana still wanted her mom and wouldn’t warm up to him for a while, but the words still stung a little. He just had to hope that in time she’d change her mind. No matter how long it took.

            “Well, y’see, I know he looks kinda big and scary, but he’s a good guy,” Dean said, dropping his voice like he was sharing a secret with Morgana. “And if you give him a chance, you might like him.”

            Morgana shot Sam a dark look before looking back at Dean. “Why aren’t you my daddy?”

            Sam knew that shouldn’t bother him. He told himself that those were the words of a lost little girl who had found someone who was nice to her and she was willing to attach to.

            “Uh,” Dean faltered and stared at Sam, who was doing everything he could to avoid looking at him. “Well. Just doesn’t work that way. Sorry, sweatheart.”

            Morgana’s face fell and she nodded. “Oh, ok.” She slumped down in her seat and clutched the doll to her chest. Her default reaction when she was told something she didn’t like.

            “You done eating?” Dean asked after a moment since Sam was still doing everything he could to not look at them.

            Morgana nodded silently. She didn’t move as Dean got up and started to clean up the dishes, leaving her and Sam alone. They both stayed quiet until Dean returned.

            He looked a bit exasperated but if he was he didn’t comment on it.

            “Hey, Sam, why don’t you and Morgana pick out a room for her?”

            Sam perked up a little. “That’s… Yeah, ok. And you can get her stuff out of the car.”

            “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

            Morgana slid off her chair with a frown, eyeing Sam. “I really get to pick a room?”

            Sam nodded and started to lead the way towards the bedrooms. There were a lot of them so she would have plenty of choices but Sam was going to try to keep her room close to theirs. He could always just make up a reason for her to stay closer. Dean would probably even agree with that idea.

            Once in the hallway he pushed open the first door there. Morgana eagerly bounced forward to peer around Sam’s legs to look into the room. He looked down at her to gauge her reaction.

            “It looks just like your room,” she said, disappointed.

            “Uh, yeah. I know. But we can change it up to look like your own room. However you want.”

            Morgana squinted at him suspiciously. “Can it be pink?”

            Sam nodded. “Of course. We can go get some paint tomorrow.”

            That seemed to satisfy her but she bounced off to the next room anyway. Eventually she came across Dean’s room and brightened up. “I like this one!”

            Sam followed her in and sighed a bit. “Yeah, this one is Dean’s already. But maybe you can pick one of the other ones nearby.”

            Morgana wrinkled her nose and slipped past Sam again. He sighed and trailed after her once more.

            She wasn’t satisfied until she had checked every single room. Eventually she made her way back to the first room she had seen. It was closer to Dean’s room than to Sam’s, but it was also closer to the inside of the bunker than any of the exits so Sam was satisfied with it.

            “You want this one?”

            Morgana pulled herself up onto the bed and flopped down on her back and nodded. “Uh huh. I wan’ it pink.”

            “Yeah, you said. We’ll pick up some sheets and paint tomorrow, ok?”

            “Ok.”

            Sam was pretty sure it was the first time she’d openly agreed to any of his suggestions and it felt like something in his chest loosened up.

            Just then Dean appeared in the doorway with the rest of her bags in tow. “How much stuff does one little person need?”

            “She had more at her house,” Sam said dryly. He would want to find out how to get more of her stuff to the bunker in the end but that would have to wait a bit.

            Morgana giggled a little as Dean made a show of hauling everything into her room. “Momma says I got too many toys.”

            “Think your mom was right about that,” Dean grumbled. “Nice room.”

            “She picked it all by herself,” Sam informed him.

            “That’s a relief.”

            “It’s gonna be pink!”

            Dean slowly turned to face Sam and raised his eyebrows. “Oh, that so?”

            Sam shrugged at him. “It’s her room, Dean. She should be able to make it the way she wants. Right?”

            That made Dean’s argument die on his lips and he nodded. “Yeah, alright. Fair enough. Hey, maybe she’ll want the Hang In There kitty poster.”

            Morgana perked up. “I can get a kitty?”

            Dean suddenly looked terrified. “No, no. Not a real kitty. Just a picture of one.”

            Sam had to fight back a laugh. Taking in a kid was one thing but not a pet. Especially not one that Dean would be incredibly allergic to. Sam was a pain in the ass little brother but he wouldn’t do that to his brother. Even if it was tempting.

            “Oh. Ok.” Morgana accepted the news from Dean easily and flopped back on the bed. “I wanna watch cartoons.”

            “I’ll get my laptop,” Sam said and stepped out to go get it. His room was at the other end of the hallway. It was a little too far for his taste and he thought about whether he could get away with choosing a room closer to hers. He wasn’t going to lock her in her room but he didn’t want to be far from her. Either in case she needed something or so that she couldn’t try to run away again. He and Dean would have to talk over a solution to that.

            Sam brought back her backpack and his laptop only to find Dean and Morgana sitting together on the edge of her bed. She was tucked up to lean against Dean’s side and he seemed absolutely fascinated by whatever it was she was telling him.

            “... and maybe I can have chocolate milk with breakfast tomorrow too?”

            Dean glanced up at Sam briefly before turning his attention back to Morgana and her question. “Oh, I don’t think so. It sounds like too much sugar is not good for your stomach. Don’t want you getting sick again.

            Morgana wrinkled her nose and opened her mouth to speak again but Sam jumped in.

            “Ok. One episode and then bedtime, ok?”

            She glared at him. “‘m not sleepy.”

            “Well, gotta get to sleep some time. You don’t want to be tired tomorrow, right?”

            “I don’t mind. I wanna stay up.”

            Dean stepped in before the argument could get much worse. “Maybe you can stay up tomorrow. But you had a long day today. I’m with Sam on this one. One episode and then bedtime.”

            Morgana frowned but still showed no sign of trying to fight with Dean on that one. That was starting to get on Sam’s nerves but then again, as long as she listened to someone Sam supposed that would have to be good enough.

            Sam went ahead and set up the laptop the way he did the night before and put it on the bed in front of her. “Scooby doo again?”

            “Yep!”

            “Ok, enjoy that. Sam and I have to do something but we’ll be back in a few.”

            Morgana was already devoting her entire attention to her show so the brothers slipped out easily and closed the door behind them.

            “Now what, Dean?” Sam asked, unable to help sounding grumpy. But then again he was grumpy. None of this had gone the way he’d planned and he was in way over his head.

            “I was just going to ask you that,” Dean said honestly.

            Sam blew out a breath and pushed a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I wish I did.”

            Dean nodded and patted Sam on the arm. “Listen, you look exhausted. Why don’t you go eat and I’ll make sure she gets to sleep.”

            Sam wanted to jump on that but eyed Dean questioningly. “Don’t knock her out.”

            Dean looked mildly offended and held a hand up. “Won’t even give her a Benadryl.”

            He stared him down for another second but then slipped off. He only then realized he hadn’t eaten dinner and was starving. He decided that if Dean could get Morgana settled and in bed then maybe he could get some sleep. But he also decided he’d need to get up every so often to check on her and make sure she didn’t run off in the middle of the night.

 

            Sam woke up no fewer than five times in the middle of the night so he could pad down the hallway and make sure Morgana was still in her room. She must have been tired because she slept through the night, much to Sam’s relief.

            When he went in to go check on her in the morning, wanting to be ahead of the game for when she woke up. She was just sliding out of bed when he peered into the door. She was surprised to see him and froze in place when she saw him through the cracked open door.

            “Morning, Morgana.”

            Dean had gotten her changed into her pjs before she fell asleep so she was completely clad in pink fabric from head to toe.

            “Mornin’.” She scuffed one foot along the floor.

            “I, uh, I’m gonna go out and get some breakfast. Why don’t you go wake Dean up and hang out with him while I’m gone?”

            She brightened up and hopped high enough on the bed so she could grab her doll and then nodded vigorously.

            “Great. You know where his room is?”

            This time he got a sad head shake in response.

            “Ok, I’ll show you. C’mon.” He motioned her to follow after him and then stopped in front of Dean’s door. “Can you count to ten? You know how?”

            She looked extremely offended by the question. “Duh!”

            “Ok. Count to ten twice and then go in and wake him up. Tell him that I went out for breakfast.”

            Morgana bounced on her feet impatiently. “Ok!”

            Sam couldn’t help a smile and patted the top of her head the way Dean had the day before. Except instead of accepting the pat with a smile she tugged away from Sam’s hand and glared at him.

            He sighed a bit and pulled his hand back. “Ok. Start counting.”

            Morgana smiled broadly. “One… Two…”

            Sam grinned and hurried off to get out of there before Dean got woken up.

 

            The past few days were one of the only times that Dean had left himself sleep in. He had stayed up a little later with Morgana than he’d meant to because he didn’t want to leave until she was definitely asleep.

            So when there was suddenly a small object that landed hard right on top of him in bed he startled awake, too confused to reach for the gun that was under his pillow.

            “Morning, Dean!” Morgana squeaked at him happily.

            Dean lifted his head up off the pillow and blinked blearily at her. Oh yeah. Sam had a kid. And she was now bouncing on the bed next to him; which was no easy feat considering memory foam mattresses weren’t known for their bouncy quality.

            “Morning, kiddo.”

            “Sam said to tell you he was goin’ to get breakfast.”

            “Oh, did he?” Dean sat up and then reached out so he could move her off his legs and only onto the bed next to him.

            She nodded vigorously. “Yeah. Time to get up now.”

            Dean groaned and rubbed at his face with one hand. “That what Sam said too?”

            She shook her head. “No, s’what I say.”

            “Oh. Great.”

            “C’mon, let’s go.”

            Dean raised an eyebrow. “And do what?”

            That made Morgana pause. “More cartoons?”

            “I don’t think so,” Dean said, rolling out of bed and to his feet. “What you need to know is Sam doesn’t appreciate anyone messin’ with his laptop when he’s not around. So that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

            “But I wanna watch cartoons.”

            “Maybe later.”

            Morgana heaved a heavy sigh but slid off the bed to train after him. “What’s for breakfast?”

            “Dunno. Whatever it is Sam’s bringin’ back.”

            “Is it pancakes?”

            “You had pancakes yesterday. They made you sick.”

            “Did not! Was the car. Momma says I gotta take care of my tummy. It doesn’ like the car.”

            “Oh, that right?”

            Morgana nodded. “Yeah, dunno why though.”

            “Well, taking care of yourself is important.”

            The little girl wasn’t sure what else to say to that so she just shrugged heavily at Dean.

            “Alright, so since Sam is gonna take a while let’s show you around.” Dean decided that a guided tour would be the best while they had the time. And it would make him aware of what they needed to move to start child proofing the place.

            Dean wasn’t sure where to start the tour except for the dining area. After a minute it deteriorated into letting Morgana wander around as he trailed after her. She asked occasional questions, but he was going to let Sam handle most of those so he gave his best evasive answers possible.

            After a few minutes it was clear that Dean had underestimated just how much energy the little girl had first thing in the morning. When Sam returned with breakfast he was more relieved to see his little brother than he’d been in a long time. Somehow between the two of them they were going to have to work out a routine on how to handle Morgana’s endless energy and constant curiosity about the bunker.


	3. Chapter 3

            After a few days Sam wouldn’t say that he felt more comfortable having a small child running around the bunker but they had at least settled into a routine. Morgana was definitely a creature of the mornings so the first thing she did was get up and go into Dean’s room to wake him up. Sam was usually already awake since he tried to get up so he could work out. Since his arm was still in the sling, though, he didn’t actually do any working out except maybe going for an early morning walk.

            Sam had to listen to Dean grumble about being woken up in the morning but Dean always got up and made them breakfast anyway. Then once breakfast was done Sam would take Morgana and try to hang out with her while she played in her room or in the living area of the bunker. He and Dean had decided to take a break from hunting for at least a week but that didn’t stop them from keeping an eye on the news for anything that might pop up that needed to be taken care of.

            By the end of the week Dean was definitely getting antsy about sitting around the bunker. He started printing out articles that he would leave around for Sam to find. It was easy enough for Sam to ignore them and most times he didn’t even read the articles. As it got closer to the end of the week he knew that Dean was getting ready to talk to him about their next move.

            Sam had established a firm bedtime for Morgana where she was done with cartoons by 8 and lights were out. He usually hung around her room for about an hour until he was sure she was asleep, though. This night was no different and after he was sure the little girl wasn’t going to be getting up again or was faking being asleep he went back to the living area where Dean was waiting for him.

            “She give you a hard time?” Dean asked, feet propped up on the table so he was leaning back in the chair with a book on his lap.

            “No, not tonight,” Sam said, tone full of relief. “Think you tired her out with running around outside.”

            Dean smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

            Sam flopped heavily into another chair and absently started picking at the sling. “So what’s on your mind?”  
            Dean immediately put on his best innocent expression. “Dunno what you’re talkin’ about, Sammy.”

            “Dean. C’mon.”

            He let out a breath and sat up straight, putting his feet back on the floor. “You know, there’s probably a case we should go take care of.”

            “Dean…”

            “I’m serious, Sam. Sounds like our kind of thing. Which you’d know if you’d read any of the articles I printed out.”

            “We agreed to wait a week. I still have two days.”

            “Yeah, ok. That’s fair. I’ll just tell whatever’s out there eating people that it has to hold on for two more days until we can get out there.”

            Sam groaned slightly. “If you want to go check it out, go for it. But I don’t think packing Morgana up and dragging her around is the best thing right now.”

            “I dunno, Sam,” Dean countered slowly, very carefully picking his words. “She was telling me the other day that she might like to get out of here. There’s nothing here for a kid to do. Only so many times we can play hide and seek before she gets bored. Change of scenery might be good for her.”

            Sam bristled and stared at him. “When was she playing hide and seek?”

            “Uh.” Dean scratched at the back of his neck. “The other day. We were just messing around, kind of evolved into it.”

            “Great,” Sam grumbled. He’d been trying to do things with Morgana for days but she hadn’t even seemed interested. Apparently that was because she was too busy having fun with Dean. It was hard for Sam to not take it personally. He just reminded himself that at least she was enjoying herself with someone, even if it wasn’t him.

            “You can stay with her in the motel and we can take turns keeping an eye on her. Chances are it’ll be easy enough for us to take care of this thing on our own.”

            “I don’t know, Dean…”

            Dean forced a smile. “Worst we can do it check it out and waste some gas. C’mon, Sammy. If you don’t come with me I’m jsut gonna head out there myself.”

            Sam liked the sound of that even less. “Fine. But we’re not leavin until the morning when she gets up. Not dragging her out of bed in the middle of the night.”

            Dean held his hands up. “Not asking you to. Know how much you hated it when Dad did that to us.”

            “Yeah. Great.”

            “It’ll be fine,” Dean tried to assure him. “Really.”

            Sam nodded and tried to convince himself that his brother was right. “Yeah, ok.”

 

            The next morning Sam had his stuff packed in the car by the time Morgana woke up. Dean entered the living room carrying her in his arms, one of her arms resting around his neck.

            “Morning, Sammy,” Dean said brightly, giving Morgana a little bounce in his arms. She giggled in response and clung on to him a little tighter.

            “Hey, guys.” Sam gave them a little wave. He had decided to try to beat Dean to the punch and had poured out some of Morgana’s favorite cereal. “Hungry?”

            “Yes!” Morgana bounced in Dean’s arms again.

            “Great.” Sam felt a little heartened that maybe he’d gotten this part right finally. “How about some cereal.” He held up the bowl so she could see it.

            She glanced between the brothers and then wrinkled her nose. “I want Dean t’make me breakfast.”

            Dean looked briefly triumphant until he saw the way that Sam’s face fell. “Uh, we’re not gonna have enough time for a big breakfast, kiddo. Eat the cereal Sam poured out for you.”

            “Don’ wanna.”

            “I can make some oatmeal,” Sam suggested as Dean put the kid down.

            “Nah,” Dean said. He nudged Morgana forward to her now usual spot at the table. “She’s gonna eat the cereal. Aren’t you, kid?”

            She hauled herself up into her seat and shot Dean a dark look. He matched the look, though and she huffed out a defeated breath. “Yeah.”

            Sam gave a nod at his brother but wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Morgana was listening more to him. He put the bowl of cereal in front of her and went to grab the milk. By the time he’d come back she was already munching on it with her hands.

            He poured in a little milk and then looked at her. “Good?”  
            “More!”

            Sam nodded and obliged, pouring milk in until she held up a hand to stop him. He let her finish her cereal and he and Dean went to their own breakfasts. After that things started to get a little more hectic than they were used to as they got ready to leave.

            Just as they were getting into the car Morgana started insisting that she’d forgotten a very important toy in her room even though Sam was sure that he’d packed all the toys she told him she wanted to take.

            But she wouldn’t let it go which left Sam making his way from the garage back to Morgana’s room and looking all over. The toy wasn’t in there so he then searched the living area until he was convinced that the toy was packed the way he’d thought. As he made his way back to the garage his phone rang. It was Dean.

            “We found it. It was in your backpack instead of hers.”

            “Thanks.” Sam huffed a bit but went back to the garage.

            They were just down the street when Sam caught Morgana squirming in the backseat of the impala, impatiently tugging at the straps of her carseat.

            “What’s the matter?” Sam twisted back to look at her.

            “Gotta go the bathroom.”

            “You gotta be kidding me,” Dean groaned.

            Sam grimaced. “Might as well go back, Dean, it’s easier than looking for another bathroom.”

            Dean grumbled under his breath but turned around as instructed.

            It was another half hour before they were back on the road after that.

            “No more bathroom runs, no more snack runs, no more toy runs, got it?” Dean said firmly.

            Sam shot him a dark look but left it at that. They were going to need to make plenty more stops on the way. He’d learned that one his trip to the bunker in the first place. Morgana got restless and needed more breaks than they did. Their day long drive was easily going to double in time.

            They didn’t get into Colorado until a day and a half later. They’d spent the night in a motel because Sam wouldn’t let Dean drive through the way they normally would. He wasn’t going to let Morgana sleep in the car. It certainly helped his cause when she started crying from how tired she was.

            Once they arrived Dean had left Sam and Morgana in the motel so that he could start questioning witnesses and the one survivor they had.

            Sam wasn’t used to having to stay behind like this but it wasn’t like he could leave Morgana alone and he wasn’t about to find a babysitter for her. That left him sitting at the table in the room while reading some books because Morgana was using his laptop to watch more cartoons.

            “Sam?” She glanced over at him and it took him a second to realize that she was actually talking to him.

            “Yeah, Morgana?”

            “How come you stayed and not Dean?”

            “Would you have preferred if Dean stayed?”

            Morgana thought that over and shrugged. “Dean’s more fun.”

            “Right.” Sam cleared his throat. “Well. Y’know… We could try playing. Or go for a walk. I think there’s a playground nearby if you want to go check it out.”

            “Can we get ice cream?”

            “Uh.” Sam cleared his throat. “Maybe after dinner. We’ll see what Uncle Dean thinks.”

            Morgana accepted that and went back to playing. “How come you call him uncle Dean?”

            “Because that’s what you should call him. He’s your uncle.”

            “How come?”

            “Because. Since I’m your dad and he’s my brother that makes him your uncle.”

            “So I call him Uncle Dean instead of jus’ Dean?”

            Sam smiled encouragingly and nodded. “Yep, that’s it.”

            “Oh, ok.” Morgana got to her feet, clinging onto her doll with one hand. “C’n we go to the playground now?”

            Sam glanced to his book briefly. He probably should have been researching but she didn’t need to be cooped up for the day and the fresh air would probably be better for her. For them both, really. “Yeah, let’s go to the playground.”

            Morgana gave a little bounce and ran to the door. Sam had to scramble to his feet and dart in front of her to stop her sprint to freedom.

            “Hang on there, aren’t you forgetting something?”

            Morgana tilted her head far enough back so that she could look up at him. “Nope.”

            “I think you’re forgetting your coat,” Sam informed her gently.

            “No ‘m not.”

            Sam raised an eyebrow. “Then why aren’t you wearing it?”

            “Dun need it,” she announced firmly.

            “Yes, you do. Or else we can’t go to the playground.” Sam reached past her for her coat which was tossed onto the bed and then held it out to her. She grumpily took it and put it on and then pushed past him again.

            Sam hurried out after her, grabbing his jacket as he went. Morgana had practically started running down the street but fortunately it only took Sam a few large strides to catch up with her.

            “Ok, ok, no running though,” he said as he reached down to try and take her hand.

            She tugged herself away, tucking her hand into her coat that wasn’t zipped up. “No.”

            Sam sighed heavily. “There’s a lot of cars here, you’ve gotta hold my hand.”

            “No!”

            She was almost five, Sam was pretty sure she was supposed to be well out of the terrible twos and ‘no’ stage of her life. But that seemed to be her favorite word to use with him.

            “Morgana. If you don’t hold my hand we can’t go to the park.” That felt a little extreme to him but it was too late to take it back now. He was just lucky that the park was walking distance from the motel since Dean had taken the car.

            She glared up at him but reluctantly held her hand out.

            “Thanks. Now just hold on to your doll, ok?” Sam stretched out to take her hand, closing his giant hand around her small one.

            For a moment she kept staring at their hands, even as Sam started walking towards the park again. “Your hand’s too big,” she announced a moment later.

            Sam blinked down at her. “Too big?”

            Morgana nodded.

            “Uh, well. That’s just my hand.”

            She then proceeded to try and wiggle her hand out of his. Sam just tightened his grip a little to compensate.

            “Morgana, you gotta stop that.”

            “Bu’ your hand’s too big.”

            “Well.” Sam scrambled to think of some way to respond to that. “Y’know, one day your hand is gonna be bigger too.”

            That made Morgana look up at him again and distract her enough that he was able to start them walking down the street again.

            “Big like yours?”

            “Well. Maybe. But you’re gonna get a lot bigger.”

            Morgana thought that over. “How big?”

            “Dunno. But since I’m big you’ll probably get real big too.”

            She squinted slightly as she absorbed that information. “Momma’s not that big.”

            “No, but she was bigger than you right?”

            “Yeah, Momma lets me ride on her shoulders!” She started to get excited then and started skipping ahead unconsciously. Sam easily adjusted his stride to keep up.

            “Oh, yeah?” He smiled at her. “Did you like that?”

            “Yes!”

            Sam was still hesitant to offer to do things with and for Morgana that he knew she already enjoyed Dean doing. But he was her father and it only seemed fair that he’d get to do things with her that she obviously enjoyed. It would mean having to ask questions about her mother and what she did in order to get a better idea of what she liked to do. Though he was getting a good idea based on what she was doing with Dean.

            “Do you wanna ride on my shoulders when my arm is better?” He would have liked for her to be able to do it now but that wasn’t going to be possible until he had use of both his arms again.

            Morgana slowed and peered up at him. “You’re tall.”

            “And if you sat on my shoulders you’d be tall too.”

            She stopped dead her in tracks and Sam looked down at her, surprised by the sudden stop. He looked at her questioningly as she lifted both her arms towards him.

            “Wanna get carried,” she announced.

            Sam grinned widely and bent down so he could easily scoop her up in his arm. She sat perfectly upright so she was nearly eye level with him despite the fact that she was so small, even for her age. She immediately started playing with his hair as he continued their walk towards the playground.

            “Uh, what’re you doing?”

            “Playin’ with your hair,” she announced easily, dragging his fingers through the back of his hair.

            “Oh.” Sam decided he’d have to go with it. They were only a few minutes from the park anyway.

            As soon as they were close enough to see it he could feel Morgana bouncing in his arms.

            “There’s just one rule when we get there, ok?” Sam asked, turning to look at her. She nodded but her attention was ahead on the playground. “You have to stay where I can see you.”

            “Why?”

            “Because I have to be able to keep an eye on you.”

            Morgana started to try to squirm out of his arms once they were inside the park. “Why?”

            Sam groaned, trying to keep a tight grip on her so they could finish talking before she ran off. “Because that’s how I have to keep you safe.”

            “No.”

            Sam sighed and bent over to put her down but put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from running off. “Morgana, I’m serious. Stay where I can see you. You can’t run away. It’s not safe. You understand?”

            She whined and tried to squirm away but Sam kept his grip firm.

            “I wanna run!”

            “And you can, but you have to stay where I see you.”

            She squirmed a little but finally nodded. “‘kay.”

            Sam held her gaze for another moment and then nodded, finally letting her go. The little girl immediately turned and took off at a sprint.

            The playground had only a few other kids playing while their parents watched from the benches surrounding the area. Morgana had taken off immediately to start climbing and running around, leaving Sam to stand back and watch her carefully.

            An hour into playing at the playground Sam started to wonder just how much longer before she got tired. He’d started texting Dean to check how things were going with the case. Dean seemed to feel like he was making progress and told Sam to stay with Morgana. It was frustrating for Sam but at the same time he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying just being outdoors with Morgana.

            He was texting with Dean when he noticed that as he looked up Morgana wasn’t where he had last seen her.

            “Morgana?” Sam started circling the playground to look for her. “Morgana!” He was just about to break into a run to find her when he saw her kneeling on the floor staring at her knees. Sam couldn’t quite figure out what was going on but he hurried over, dropping into a crouch next to her.

            “I- I tripped and fell,” she said shakily as she looked up at Sam. She moved her hand and could see that she had indeed done just that. But she had fallen on the concrete and scrapped her fabric pants and then the skin underneath. It wasn’t that bad of a scrape. At least, Sam didn’t think so. She wouldn’t need stitches or anything, but there was definitely a bit of blood. Probably more than any five year old would want to see coming out of their body.

            “Ok, it’s not bad, let me see.” Sam scooted in and put his hands on her knee. He couldn’t deny the fact that she had scared him so he was trying to keep calm while making sure that Morgana was calm as well. “Hey, it’s not that bad.”

            Morgana blinked up at him, eyes shining and blinking back tears.

            “It is, it’s not bad,” Sam assured her. “We’ll get it cleaned out and put a bandaid on. How’s that sound?”

            She sniffed and nodded a little shakily. “Y-yeah. It hurts.”

            “Yeah, but it’s gonna be ok.”

            Morgana seemed to be skeptical but was also willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Momma kisses my scrapes.”

            “Oh.” Sam felt his stomach twist sympathetically. “Do you… Maybe I could give it a kiss? I know it’s not the same as mom kisses, but…”

            He had barely finished his sentence before Morgana was nodding firmly. “Yeah.”

            “Oh, ok.” Sam leaned in and pressed a very light kiss to her knee, just above the scrape so he was careful not to hurt her any further. “Better?”

            She seemed to have calmed from the edge of crying and wiped at her face. “Little bit.”

            “Ok. Let’s go back to the room and get you cleaned up then.”

            Morgana nodded and threw herself forward so her arms wrapped around Sam’s neck. He wasn’t quite sure what to do about that for a moment until he realized she wasn’t hugging him but rather waiting to get picked up. He obliged her and held her tightly with his good arm to make his way back to the motel.

            Once they got there Sam set Morgana down on the counter in the bathroom and went to go get their cleaning supplies from the first aid kit. Some soap and water would have been enough he knew that, but he was hoping that maybe the big show would make her feel better. He set the bag back down on the other side of the counter so he could easily reach it.

            “Do you have Cars band-aids?”

            Sam paused and looked confused. “What?”

            “Cars. Like the movie.” Morgana stared at him like he was an idiot. “Momma lets me have those band-aids.”

            “Oh.” There were no fun band-aids in the first aid kit and Sam knew that. “No, I don’t have those.”

            “I wan’ Cars.”

            “Well.” Sam pulled out his phone. “I’ll call Dean and have him bring some back. But until then we’ll use the plain ones, ok?”

            Morgana wrinkled her nose. Sam had a sudden idea so he pulled out some extra bandages. It was really just a roll of gauze that they usually used under an ace bandage for wounds that bled more but he could use it in this circumstance.

            “Here, how about we use this instead for now? Just until Uncle Dean brings the right band-aids.”    

            Morgana frowned a little. “What is it?”

            “It’s band-aids that adults use. Uncle Dean and I use it when we get hurt. You wanna use this for now?”

            Morgana eyed the roll of gauze and seemed to be contemplating it seriously. Sam gave a little wiggle of the roll in his fingers.

            “Yeah, ok,” she said, accepting the new solution. It was the most positive reaction he’d ever gotten from her and it made his chest feel warm.

            “Good idea,” he said encouragingly. He then went ahead and rolled up the leg of her pants so he could wrap her knee in two little layers of gauze. Then he rolled her pants back down. The knee was ripped so the gauze was visible. “There, now you look tough.”

            “I do?” Morgana looked confused and then eyed him. “How come?”

            “Well. Now everyone can see that you’ve got that and you’re still walkin’ around so you look tough because you’re not just sitting down. I think you’re pretty tough.”

            “Is that good?”

            Sam nodded seriously. “Oh, yeah. It’s real good. You know who else is tough?”

            Morgana shook her head. “No.”

            “Uncle Dean. He’s the toughest.” Sam nodded to confirm that.

            “He seems tough.”

            “Yeah. Still want the Cars band-aids?”

            Morgana picked at the gauze on her knee for a moment and then shook her head. “No, I like this.”

            Sam grinned a little. “Sounds good.”

 

            Two days later Dean had wrapped up the case on his own with only a little help from Sam’s added research. Sam and Morgana spent most of those two days alternating their time at the playground or inside on the laptop. Sam had downloaded a few kid’s games to the laptop and used that to help distract her in addition to all the cartoons on netflix. As much as she liked cartoons he tried to keep that as a nightly wind down activity. Although they did watch a few movies while eating lunch. Since it was just the two of them in the room Sam got dragged into watching as well and Morgana even started explaining to Sam her favorite parts of the movies.

            He didn’t know a five year old could belt out _Frozen_ songs quite as loudly as Morgana could. He wasn’t sure whether to be scared or impressed.

            On the morning of the third day they finally packed up to go back to the bunker. Dean had wanted to leave as soon as he got back but it was too close to bedtime and Sam had flatly refused packing up and leaving when Morgana was so tired from their extended time at the playground that day.

            It took them just as long to get to the bunker as it did to drive away from it days earlier. When they finally got back there and started to unpack the car the first thing Morgana did was to run off to her room. Sam just grabbed her bags and hurried after her.

            “Hey, Sam,” Dean called after him. Sam stopped in the doorway and looked back at him. “Think we need to talk later.”

            Sam frowned at him but Morgana was already well ahead of him down the hall and he still didn’t like her wandering around on her own so he just nodded at his brother and sprinted after the little girl.

            She had actually gone straight back to her room and tossed herself on the bed with her doll when he got there.

            “You hungry?” he asked as he started to go ahead and unpack her things.

            “Uh huh,” she said with a nod as she sat up on the bed. “Real hungry.”

            “Ok. I think Uncle Dean said he’s gonna make hot dogs.”

            She gave a nod of approval.

            “Good.” Sam kept up unpacking her things and putting her laundry in the bin he’d gotten for her and the clean clothes back in the drawers. A minute later he noticed that Morgana had gone suspiciously quiet. “Morgana? You ok?”

            She was sitting on the edge of the bed and absently picking at little strands of her doll’s hair.

            “I got a question.”

            Sam stopped what he was doing so he could turn his attention to her. “Ok, go ahead.”

            Morgana squirmed some on her bed before speaking again. “I miss Momma.”

            Her words made Sam’s breath catch in his chest and he grimaced. He wasn’t sure what to say to that so he took a moment to go sit next to her on the bed. She still had her head down and was playing with her doll’s hair.

            “I’m sorry, Morgana.”

            “Is Momma… Can Momma come get me now?”

            “Morgana…” Sam turned so he could face her easier. “Look at me, kiddo.”

            She reluctantly did so, tears already in her eyes.

            “Morgana. You know… You know what happened to your mom.” He wished he knew a better way to talk to her that didn’t sound like he was being horribly insensitive. She started crying even harder and Sam had to resist the urge to pull her into his lap. “What do you think happened to her?”

            It took her a long moment before she was calm enough to answer, and even then her words were stuttered by crying.

            “They said- Momma- Momma’s gone.”

            Sam reached out and wiped at her eyes, clearing up some of the tears from her face. “I’m sorry, Morgana.”

            He wiped at her face some; she was still crying so it wasn’t actually doing anything to help, though.

            “You know,” he started, “Something bad happened to my mom too.”

            She hadn’t stopped crying but he could at least see the shift in her attention.

            “And… Uncle Dean, he was about your age. And I know he misses her a lot. But you know what else?”

            She shook her head, taking a few hiccupping breaths.

            “We were lucky because we had our dad and other people who loved us a lot. Kind of… Kind of like how Dean and I both love you a lot.”

            Morgana looked a little confused by that but her crying trailed off into little sniffles.

            “C’mere,” Sam said easily, reaching out to lightly give her a tug. She took the hint and scooted over to sit on his lap. “You know what else?”

            Morgana swiped at her face again and shook her head. “Wha’?”

            “Your mom loves you too. Even though she’s not here.”

            She didn’t respond to that but Sam hadn’t expected one. That was just something that he said because he knew she would understand. She may have been denying that her mom wasn’t coming home but she also definitely understood what had happened.

            “I love Momma too.”

            Sam hugged Morgana around the middle and let her lean back against his stomach. “I know you do. That’s good.”

            They stayed that way for a few minutes, Morgana letting her hands rest on Sam’s arm and Sam lightly resting his chin on the top of her head, before Dean lightly knocked at the door. Sam turned towards the open door to face Dean.

            “Dinner’s almost ready. You two comin’ on out?”

            “Yeah, we’ll be right there.”

            Dean nodded and left. Sam gave Morgana a little nudge off his lap.

            “C’mon, let’s go eat. Hungry right?”

            She nodded and slid off her bed. Sam hadn’t finished unpacking her things yet but knew that could wait a bit so he hurried after Morgana as she raced off to go get dinner.

 

            The number one thing Sam had learned in the past month and a half of being responsible for a five year old girl was that no matter how many parenting books he read, no matter how many developmental stages he learned about none of that actually helped him when it came to dealing with Morgana in real time.

            Reading about how five year olds was entirely different from dealing with one in person. According to the books and websites this was the stage where kids had a lot of energy to burn and were just starting to pick up reading. But Morgana seemed to have some days where she couldn’t stay still and other days where she refused to go outside and was more than happy to sit quietly and play with her toys. For the most part she preferred to play by herself even though Sam did his best to offer to play with her whenever he could. He had, however, caught Dean more than once sitting on the floor in her room with her and playing with her. Sam had even caught Dean wearing a tiara and a tutu, but he wasn’t going to let his brother know he’d seen that.

            That day Sam had taken Morgana to the local Barnes and Noble. There was a closer local store, but they’d already tried going there a few times and the kid’s section was painfully small. So that left Sam dragging Morgana an extra twenty minutes to a larger store and then trying to keep up with her when they got there. He’d picked her up a few books so far, mainly of the Dr. Seuss variety, but he hadn’t been able to get her to sit down and let him read them to her.

            Morgana’s favorite thing to do was sprint off from him the second they got to the store. Sam had started to learn how to give her the space she wanted while staying close enough that he didn’t start to panic about the distance between them. He watched from the entrance of the kid’s section as Morgana went straight to some of the beginning reader books. She pulled a Dr. Seuss book that Sam hadn’t bought yet and he watched as she padded over to a seat and pulled open the book to start flipping through it. He watched for a while and could see her moving her lips. Sam hadn’t seen any sign that she knew how to read yet and he also knew she hadn’t been to kindergarten yet. So he figured she was just pretending.

            He watched for another moment before going over to sit next to her. The kid sized chairs were way too small for him to even try and sit down in so he flopped to sit cross legged next to her.

            “What’re you reading?” he asked as he settled in.

            Morgana propped the book up to Sam could see the cover.

            “Oh, Green Eggs and Ham.” He grinned a bit. “That’s one of my favorite books. Want me to read it to you?”

            “No, I can read it,” she announced.

            Sam raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Ok, why don’t you read it to me, then?”

            Morgana considered this for a moment and then brightened up and flipped back to the beginning of the book. “Ok!”

            Sam settled in and readied himself to listen to whatever story Morgana was going to make up to pretend she could read the story.

            So Sam was more than a little surprised when Morgana started clearly reading out loud the correct story, hardly even pausing or stumbling over any of the words. When she finished she looked at Sam expectantly and he realized that he was staring at the little girl.

            “Morgana, that was great! I didn’t know you already knew how to read, how come you didn’t tell me?”

            The little girl stared at him. “You didn’ ask.”

            That seemed fair. “Well you did a _great_ job. Do you think you’d want to read some more books to me?”

            Morgana perked up and quickly hopped to her feet. “I’ll get ‘nother book!”

            “Ok.” Sam watched her sprint off and then immediately sprint back with a new book.

            She plopped back down in her seat and showed him the cover of the book. “Momma says I gotta show the book every time.”

            “Oh, did she?” Sam nodded seriously. “Did she teach you to read?”

            Morgana gave him her patented “well duh” expression and nodded. Sam was getting more used to seeing that look from her considering he got it multiple times a day. “Momma let me read to her all the time. She reads the bigger books to me.”

            “Yeah? Like what books?”

            “Chapter books! Bigger kid books.”

            “Oh, right.” Sam nodded again. “Well, go ahead and read this one to me, ok?”

            “Ok!” Morgana smiled broadly. “D’you know this one?” It was another Dr. Seuss book that Sam had read multiple times when he was a kid but hadn’t read in over twenty years. He was pretty sure that Dean had read it to him as well.

            “Yeah, but I don’t remember it.”

            “Oh, ok.” Morgana pulled the book closer to her again and then flipped it open to start reading. Sam shifted so he he could see the pictures over her shoulder and she even obliged him to tilt the pages towards him when she was finished with a page.

            When she was finished with that book she put it down and looked at Sam expectantly.

            “Did you like it?” she asked brightly.

            “Oh, definitely. Is that your favorite book?”

            Morgana shook her head. “No, this one is.” She pointed back at Green Eggs and Ham. “Hey, s’got your name in it!”

            Sam laughed slightly. “Yeah, so it does.”

            “Doesn’t got my name in it, though.” She looked a little saddened by that.

            “Yeah, that’s too bad.” Sam thought that over. “Hey, wait. I do know a book that has your name in it.”

            “Yeah?” She squirmed in her seat to look at him, definitely excited.

            “Yep, I read them when I was little. They’re chapter books, though.”

            Morgana bit down on her bottom lip and thought that over. “You could read it to me!”

            Sam couldn’t help but grin at that. “I could. Would that be ok?”

            She nodded seriously. “Yeah. But you gotta read ‘em like Momma and do the voices.”

            “Oh, of course.” Sam nodded. “I don’t know if I’ll be as good at it as she was, though.”

            “Well, you’ll have to tell me what kind of voices to do. Can you help me with that?”

            Morgana nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

            “Ok, thanks.” Sam got up and held out a hand. “C’mon, let’s go look for those books with your name and we’ll buy them to take home. How does that sound?”

            “Yes, yes!” Morgana hopped to her feet and started bouncing around before she grabbed on to Sam’s hand.

            “Ok, great.” Sam held her hand and steered her over to one of the other sections of the kid area. It took him a moment of looking to find the books he was looking for, and he was just starting to worry that maybe the books were out of print and would have to be bought online when he saw some of them on the shelves. “Here they are.”

            “What are those?” Morgana tried to get up on her tip toes so she could see the book Sam had grabbed off the shelf. Even with that she only just came up to Sam’s waist.

            “They’re the Magic Tree House books.”

            “I dunno those.”

            “Well that’s good, it’ll be a new book for me to read to you.”

            “And s’got my name in it?”

            “Yep. Well, not in this one. But I’ll get the ones where there’s someone named Morgana, ok?”

            She smiled and nodded. “‘kay!”

            Sam checked the books to make sure he was getting the right ones. Eventually he had a small stack of books in his hand. He held them in his right hand so he could reach down and hold Morgana’s hand with his other one.

            “Ok, anything else you wanna get?”

            Morgana stared at the little pile of books and then shook her head. “No, s’good.”

            “Great. Home?”

            “Yeah, ‘m gettin’ hungry.”

            “Better get going then.” Sam led the way to the registers so they could pay. Within a few minutes they were back in the car and heading back to the bunker.

           

            Dean should have seen this overprotective side of Sam coming as soon as he realized Sam was now a father with all the responsibilities that came along with the job.

            “Sammy, it’s one trip,” Dean argued. He leaned over to scoop Morgana up and give her a little bounce once she was in his arms.

            “I wanna go,” Morgana said with a nod.

            Sam sighed, arms flailing a bit as he tried to fold his arms in annoyance but the sling prevented it so he settled on putting his left hand on his hip. “I’m not saying she can’t go, I’m just saying I want to come too.”

            That was all well and good but that put a serious cramp in Dean’s plans. Sam had been so on top of Morgana’s diet - aside from one or two surprise ice cream cones - in the past month that he wanted to be able to pick out some fun snacks for the little girl without Sam hovering around and complaining.

            “Yeah, but you don’t need to come,” Dean pointed out. “Dude, we’ll be back in an hour.”

            “Yeah, _dude_!” Morgana agreed with a giggle.

            Sam looked less than impressed, considering he’d been trying to get Morgana to call them ‘Sam’ and ‘Uncle Dean’ but it didn’t take. But Dean seemed to tell her to call him one thing and she listened right away.

            Dean grinned at Sam, definitely pleased with himself. “C’mon, Sammy. We just wanna have some bonding time. Right, kiddo?”

            Morgana nodded enthusiastically. “Right!”

            Sam grumbled slightly but finally relented. “Ok. Fine, go for it.”

            “Yay!” Morgana hugged Dean around the neck and he grinned smugly at Sam.

            “Alright, back in an hour. See ya, Sammy.” Dean turned to go but wasn’t that surprised when Sam made a noise to stop them.

            “Don’t forget her coat. And take her hat just in case it’s cold out.”

            Morgana groaned. “No, my hair!”

            Dean turned back to face Sam. “You did spend a while on her hair.” He had seen Sam sitting on the floor in Morgana’s room for almost an hour, untangling her hair and trying to put in a bunch of little clips that she wanted put in her hair. It didn’t do much to keep the strands out of her face but she liked having them in her hair.

            Sam made a face and Dean could tell that Sam was just as reluctant to mess up her hair. “Fine, but take the hat just in case.”

            “We can do that.” Dean nodded and headed for Morgana’s room first. He grabbed her coat and shoved the hat in one of the pockets.

            “No, not that one!” Morgana strained in Dean’s arms to reach for her nightstand. There was a light blue hat there so Dean grabbed it for her.

            “This one?”

            She nodded. “It’s a Frozen one. Sam got it the other day.”

            “Oh, did he?” Dean was familiar with that movie. He hadn’t been forced to sit down to watch it with Morgana yet but he’d caught Sam humming one of the songs the other day.

            “Yeah, I like it.”

            “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.” The hat wasn’t the only piece of Frozen merchandise the little girl owned.

            She squinted at him. “Are you bein’ silly?”

            “You mean sarcastic?

            She shrugged.

            “Yeah, I’m bein’ silly.”

            Morgana sighed heavily then. “Sam says you’re silly a lot.”

            “Oh, does he?” Now armed with the coat and hat Dean started to head for the car. Unfortunately the Impala didn’t pass Sam’s safety inspection and her car seat didn’t fit well in the back so whenever they went out with her Dean had to take one of the other cars that were newer and already had her car seat inside.

            “Yep,” she replied as she allowed Dean to strap her into her seat. “Real silly.”

            “Well, that’s where he’s wrong,” Dean said with a nod, giving a tug to the straps to make sure they were secure. “I’m not silly, he is.”

            Morgana just giggled at that and Dean flashed her a grin before going to get into the front seat of the car.

            “Ok, kiddo, what do you wanna listen to today?” Dean started flipping through a cd case that Sam had gotten him, filled with the same cds of the cassette tapes he kept in a box in the Impala. It definitely wasn’t his favorite, and there were just as many cds of kid’s music now as there were of classic rock, but it was the only option since the newer car didn’t even have a cassette player. “Classic rock or kid’s cra- uh, kid’s stuff.”

            “Rock!” Morgana said cheerfully.

            Dean laughed and happily obliged, putting in one of his favorite mixes. Sam had put it together for him and Dean had to admit it was a good mix. So far Morgana seemed to be enjoying his music just as much as he did and it warmed his heart. Now he just had to keep the kid away from Sam’s crappy music and everything would be great.

            Morgana didn’t know the lyrics yet, which was probably just as well, but she liked to dance in her seat and hum along with the music which Dean found hilarious. And adorable.

            At the supermarket Dean put Morgana in the seat of the shopping cart. He’d learned that was for the best after Sam spent his one trip chasing her around the entire store. This way kept her contained and entertained as she made a game of trying to reach things off the shelves.

            “Alright, let’s see the list your dad text me.” Dean didn’t even have to check his phone to know that Sam had text him an extensive grocery list by now.

            “Not my dad,” Morgana said grumpily.

            “Yeah he is.”

            “No.” She huffed at him. “C’n we get cookies?”

            “That’s the plan,” Dean said with a grin. “And some other stuff. You can pick.”

            Morgana started bouncing in her seat even more. “Yay!”

            Dean started pushing her down the aisle’s in the cart and she twisted a bit so she could see where they were going. If Dean trusted her to behave and sit still he would have put her in the actual cart area so she could see where they were going, but that would not end well. And Sam would kill him.

            “Alright, your dad said we have to start in this section,” Dean said as he consulted his list. Sam was organized to the point that if Dean methodically went through the aisles then he’d hit all the items on the list without missing any. Leave it to Sam to memorize the layout of their local supermarket to make shopping more efficient.

            Morgana glared at him for the ‘your dad’ comment but didn’t start arguing with him this time. “I wan’ choc’late chip cookies. An’ Oreos!”

            “Ok, we can do that. And we’ll get some ice cream on the way home?”

            “Yeah!”

            Dean grinned and kept up his routine through the aisles. As he went he grabbed some things. “Hey, grab us some pasta, kiddo.” He pushed the shopping cart forward down the aisle enough for her to be in the boxed pasta section while he was across the aisle grabbing the pasta sauce.

            Morgana giggled and stretched out for the first box of pasta she could reach. “This good?”

            Dean took a look at it. It was a box of macaroni and Sam hadn’t specified what pasta. He figured he could make some mac and cheese for the little girl with that. He grabbed some spaghetti as well, that way Sam could have spaghetti and pasta sauce so he didn’t end up in the bathroom smelling up the joint from all the dairy. “Yeah, want macaroni and cheese tonight?”

            “No, pancakes.”

            He laughed and put both boxes into the cart. “Your dad would kill me if you had pancakes for dinner. How about mac and cheese for now and pancakes for breakfast before Sam gets home?”

            Morgana sighed heavily but nodded. “Yeah, ok.”

            They moved on to the next aisle. They were almost through the list when he saw some added things Sam had sent last minute. Poor guy was probably at home thinking of something he could add to the list to try and deter Dean from getting all kinds of sweets. Dean was willing to get the extra fresh veggies Sam wanted, but once that was done he wheeled the shopping cart back around.

            “Alright, let’s get those cookies, huh?”

            Morgana nodded enthusiastically. “Faster, go faster!”

            Dean grinned and took a quick glance around the store. It was mostly empty so he obliged her by pushing the cart faster down to the junk food aisle. She giggled loudly and Dean went ahead and started making added sound effects to complete the mood. He made screeching tire sounds as he slowed and made the dramatic turn into the junk food aisle.

            “Alright, cookies and oreos? Anything else?”

            “I ‘unno. Fruit snacks?”

            “Oh, good choice.” Dean grabbed some and then moved on to the oreos and chocolate chip cookies. “Ok, kiddo, think that’s good enough.”

            “Aww,” Morgana sighed but didn’t argue beyond that. They went to go pay and load everything back in the car.

            “Ice cream now, right?” she asked as Dean strapped her back in. There was an ice cream place just down the road that they had taken her to a few times before.

            “Yep, now ice cream. Just our little secret.”

            Morgana nodded seriously. “Got it.”

            “Good.”

            At the ice cream place Dean ordered her a kid size cup and let her pick whatever toppings she wanted.

            They sat down at the table so they could eat the ice cream peacefully.

            “Hey, kiddo?” Dean was halfway through his ice cream cup by the time he spoke up.

            Morgana hummed in response. She had a good portion of her ice cream spread around her mouth and Dean had to struggle not to laugh. It wouldn’t set a good mood for the conversation he had in mind.

            “You mind if I ask you some questions? We can stop whenever you want.”

            Morgana could tell that something serious was going on and she sobered, and even stopped kicking her feet back and forth in the seat. “Ok.”

            “You talked to Sam about your mom the other day, right?”

            Morgana dropped her gaze and picked at her ice cream. “Yeah.”

            “You know… You know you’re gonna be with us for a while, right? That we’re your family now.”

            She didn’t answer that question right away. “He says you’re my uncle. Gotta call you Uncle Dean.”

            “Well. You don’t have to,” Dean said gently. “But it’d be nice.” Better than nice, really. He couldn’t deny that being an uncle to Sam’s kid was high on his list of things he wanted but never thought would ever happen. “Just like it’s nice to call Sam your dad.”

            That got the annoyed look on her face right away. “Dun wan’ him to be my daddy.”

            Dean frowned at that. He knew Morgana didn’t like it when he called Sam her dad but he didn’t think it was because of that. “Well. That’s not something you can change, kiddo. It just… is what it is.”

            “Bu’ Momma says I don’ have a daddy.”

            “Kid. You’re old enough to know everyone’s got a dad. Even me and Sam.”

            Morgana scowled but didn’t argue that point.

            “You like Sam, don’t you?”

            Morgana simply shrugged. “I like you.”

            Dean couldn’t ignore the warm feeling in his chest. “I like you too, kiddo. And you like Sam, right?”

            She shrugged again.

            “Think he’s doing ok. He does your hair, he does your puzzles with you, helps you color. That’s nice, isn’t it?”

            Another shrug. “Momma colored with me,” she said quietly.

            Dean had been paying attention to the times she spoke about her mom and this was the first time she spoke about her in the past tense.

            “That’s good.”

            “Momma let me color all the time.”

            “Oh. That’s good.” Dean shifted in his chair. “So if Sam’s doin’ all the stuff your mom did, that’s good, isn’t it?”

            Morgana shrugged and ate some more of her ice cream. “I guess.”

            “I think it’d be pretty good.” Dean paused again. “Y’know… My mom died when I was about your age.”

            Morgana tensed up but Dean felt like he still had a good chance at the conversation. “Why?”

            Dean wished that he could think of a good answer. “Something bad happened to her.”

            “Oh.”

            “Yeah.” Dean started to finish up the ice cream then. “Sam and I grew up with our dad. Kinda how you’re gonna grow up with your dad and me.”

            “Where’s your dad?” Morgana finally looked up at him again.

            “He, uh. He’s gone too.”       

            That changed Morgana’s entire expression and she paled. “Is… Is somethin’ bad gonna happen to Sam too?”

            Dean frowned then, trying to figure out where that question came rom. “What? Why would you think that?”

            “You said… Said your dad’s g-gone too and…” At that point Dean could tell that tears were starting to well up in her eyes. That was definitely not the point of what was going on with this conversation. He had wanted to avoid the tears and just have a nice talk with the girl.

            “No, no, hey, listen.” Dean reached over so he could put a hand on Morgana’s arm. “Nothing bad’s gonna happen to Sam. Or me. I promise.”

            Morgana sniffed and wiped at her face. “Promise?”

            Dean nodded even though he’d already done so. “Yeah, I promise.” He gave a little squeeze to her arm.

            “I… I like stayin’ with you. And Sam. And… I don’ want to go again, don’t make me go.”

            “No way,” Dean squeezed her arm again and scooted his chair in even closer to her. She slid over in her seat so she was leaning against Dean. “You’re gonna be with us for a long time. Til you’re all grown up, ok?”

            “Oh, ok.” Morgana didn’t sound entirely convinced but she no longer sounded on the edge of tears and Dean considered that a win.

            “You ok, kiddo?”

            She shrugged. “Yeah. I… I miss Momma.”

            Dean’s breath caught in his chest and he leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “I know how you feel, kid.”

            They went quiet then and Morgana went back to finishing her ice cream. She stayed pressed into Dean’s side and he was more than fine with that. It was nice for him and it was even something that he knew that he could now probably get away with on the couch in the bunker. He wasn’t going to admit it, but he liked snuggling and it was nice to know the little girl trusted him.

            “You all done?” he asked a minute later. She nodded and turned to face him. “What’d you do to your face?” He laughed then. “Did you even get any of the ice cream in your mouth?”

            Morgana wrinkled her nose and proceeded to try and squirm away as Dean started to wipe at her mouth.

            “Hey, hold still.” Dean put an arm around her to keep her close as he proceeded to continue to wipe her face. “You don’t want Sam to see the ice cream on your face, then he’ll know we had ice cream. Won’t be a secret anymore.”

            She sighed and let him finish up then.

            “Alright, all set. C’mon, kiddo, let’s go home.” He got back to his feet and automatically held out a hand for Morgana’s. She slipped her small one into his and they headed back to the car.

            Back at the bunker Dean had no problem letting Morgana sprint ahead to go inside while he grabbed all the bags of groceries to go to the kitchen. Unlike Sam he had no problem letting the little girl run around. They’d mostly managed to keep things locked down enough that she wouldn’t get into anything too problematic and the dungeon was hidden enough that she couldn’t accidentally stumble across it. Plus Dean had given her a tour and made it clear where she could and couldn’t go. Sam didn’t fully trust that, but Dean didn’t blame him considering she had run away on him twice already. Dean would probably be more worried about it if that had happened to him, but there was no denying that he had a better bond with the little girl already than Sam did.

            She was running around the living area by the time Dean got there. She’d already grabbed some new toys from her room and was running around with them. The sugar rush had already kicked in and Dean realized that was definitely going to give him away.

            “Got everything?” Sam asked as he got to his feet and put down the book he was reading. He did it hastily like he didn’t want Dean to catch sight of the book title. It was too late. Dean had seen it roaming around the bunker already and he knew it was a parenting book Sam had picked up in the past few weeks.

            “Yeah, yeah, got everything on the list.” Dean headed into the kitchen and started to put everything away. Sam hovered by the door but stuck his head out so he could keep an eye on Morgana.

            “Alright, good. How was it? Did she behave?”

            “Sammy, she was fine. A perfect little angel.”

            Sam raised an eyebrow. “You know with our lives that isn’t the best comparison.”

            Dean thought about it and then nodded. “Good point. Point is, she was fine.”

            “Alright. Alright, that’s good.” Sam blew out a breath and pushed a hand through his hair. “I mean, she always behaves for you anyway.”

            “Because I’m the nice one,” Dean replied with a grin.

            Sam looked distinctly unamused at Dean but there was also a clear undertone of hurt in his expression. “Right. Of course you are.”

            Dean shrugged and finished putting the food away. “Y’know, we talked about some stuff. Me and the kid.”

            Sam turned to give Dean his full attention. “Like what? You didn’t upset her, did you? Dean, I told you-”

            A hand up stopped Sam’s sentence midway. “Sam. C’mon. Does the kid out there look upset to you?”

            Sam leaned out again and shook his head. “Doesn’t sound upset no. More like a sugar rush. Dean, did you-”

            “One problem at a time, Sam, c’mon.”

            Sam made a face at him.

            “You know how she talks about her mom sometimes?”

            Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah, not that often. I don’t like to bring it up because she always ends up crying.”

            “You ever, uh, notice how she only ever talks about her mom in present tense?”

            Sam grimaced but nodded. “Yeah. Think it… Probably her way of coping. Not willing to accept her mom’s gone, y’know?”

            Dean nodded his agreement. “Was thinking the same thing. Or, well, I did think about it when she finally talked about her mom in past tense. I thought that was probably just her, it’s not like five year olds have the best grammar.”

            Sam made a face. “Kid knows how to read already and her grammar’s pretty good considering. Maybe she didn’t purposely do it but it says a lot now that you mention it.”

            “Yeah, well. Think she’s really starting to settle in, though, man.”

            “You think so?” Sam asked hopefully.

            “Oh, yeah. Definitely.” Dean wanted to tell Sam that she was even warming up to him, but there were enough lies between them to last another few lifetimes. This was a lie that Dean wasn’t willing to tell. “She’s doin’ great.”

            Sam looked relieved. “I was thinking I was gonna start her in kindergarten. She already reads so she’s ahead of the curve on that. And having some other kids to play with will probably be good for her. Should help with the settling in, too.”

            “Might not be a bad idea,” Dean said slowly. He then turned away slowly, a thought occurring to him that he wished he hadn’t had.

            “What? Dean, what?”

            “Nothing, just…” Dean blew out a breath and turned back to him but wouldn’t look at Sam directly. “You should probably stop hunting.”

            He’d expected Sam to look surprised or hurt or any number of other negative reactions. Instead Sam just looked resigned.

            “You already thought about it,” Dean guessed.

            Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

            “Are you?”

            “I don’t know.”

            Dean could smell the lie. He wasn’t going to call Sam on it, though. If anything, he was glad to hear it. He wasn’t sure he was ready to hear Sam say he was quitting the family business just yet. “Well. That’s ok, Sammy. Whatever you decide. It’ll be ok.”

            Sam nodded but still looked a bit tense. “Yeah. Well…” He trailed off and frowned suddenly. “It’s too quiet. I’d better go check on her.”

            Dean laughed at that. “Yeah. Good idea.”

            Once Sam was out of the doorway of the kitchen Dean went back to putting things away in the kitchen. It was only a minute later when he heard Sam shouting for him and he sprinted out of the kitchen to find Sam.

            “What, what’s goin’ on?” Dean had a hand gripping at the gun in the waistband of his jeans. While Sam had put a much stricter gun control around the bunker, there were some habits that Dean couldn’t shake. That was one of them.

            “I can’t find Morgana,” Sam said, voice pitched high in panic. “I tried calling for her and I can’t find her and she’s not answering.”   

            Dean could practically see the way Sam’s blood pressure was rising already. “Alright, uh, she’s probably just playing. We played hide and seek in here the other day while you were out.”

            Sam nodded quickly, trying to convince himself that was right. “Yeah. Ok, so we just… We just look for her.”

            “Yeah. And when we find her we take her toys away or somethin’ for scaring the hell out of us.”           

            “Dean, can we just… find her first?” Sam asked, still sounding a bit panicked.

            “Right.”

            The two of them moved off at once, with Sam going one way down the hall and Dean going down the other. Dean always thought of the bunker as being completely safe, but he also knew that wasn’t entirely true. Between the time they found a wicked witch trapped in one of the empty rooms and when Kevin had been haunting it he was willing to bet there were plenty of other things inside that they didn’t know about and probably would have it out for them. And the idea of Morgana accidentally coming across any of them on her own made Dean feel sick to his stomach.

            “Morgana! C’mon, sweetie, we’re not playing right now, you gotta come on out,” Dean called as he made his way down the hall. He still had his gun tucked in his jeans because the last thing he wanted was to come across the little girl and have her see him with it. He pushed open each of the doors to the rooms as he came across them. He made a note to himself that they’d need to come back through later and lock the doors to make sure this didn’t happen again. Assuming she really had just wandered off to play somewhere. Dean tried to push the thought of it being anything else from his mind and he just hoped Sam was doing the same.

            “Morgana, c’mon out.” He checked another few doors before deciding to turn back. The rooms this way were all locked and he and Sam had set up a way to keep her from going too far back there so there was no point continuing on. As he walked back he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check if maybe Sam had called to let him know he’d found the kid. No missed calls.

            Back in the living area he didn’t see Sam so decided checking some other areas would be a good start. Morgana liked to go to the garage and look at the cars and she’d found her way there before so that was his next place to look. After that he’d take the Impala out and drive around just to make sure she hadn’t left the bunker entirely. Before he went that way he checked his phone one last time. There was nothing from Sam so he shot his brother a quick text to let him know what he was planning.

 

            Sam had to keep reminding himself that Morgana liked to wander but she wasn’t stupid and she didn’t do it to scare him on purpose. If anything, it was probably good that the little girl felt comfortable enough to be willing to wander around. He just wished that she didn’t insist on doing it so often and despite the fact he thought he’d made it clear that she wasn’t allowed to wander around on her own.

            He’d seen Dean go to check the hallways where all the rooms were so Sam went into a different direction. Although he hadn’t seen Morgana express any interest in going down this way since it was dark and led towards the room where the dungeon was hidden so he’d hoped that the general creepy nature of the area would chase her off. After all, she was a little girl who liked watching My Little Pony and Frozen. But then he remembered she also worshipped Scooby Doo and he realized that he should probably keep her away from Indiana Jones and Nancy Drew books for another few years until he could keep a better eye on her.

            “Morgana? This isn’t funny, you have to come out now,” Sam said firmly. He was trying hard not to sound worried but also not to sound mad. It was a fine line to walk. “Morgana!”

            He flipped the lights on to make it easier for him to see and harder for her to hide if she was down there. As soon as he did that he heard a little squeak and he turned towards the sound.

            Before he could say anything else Morgana came running at him from behind a shelf and crashed into his legs.

            “You ok, kiddo?” he asked as he put a hand on her head. He could feel her shaking and she had her arms wrapped so tightly around his leg he was losing feeling already. “What happened?”

            “I heard somethin’ so I came lookin’ and I thought it was a puppy and it was dark an- and I got lost!”

            Any frustration that Sam had felt at her running off drained away in an instant. He reached down to grab her arms so he could bend down and pull her into his arms. The sling had finally come off earlier that week so while his arm was still a little sore it was easier for him to carry her now.

            “Ok, ok, shh, it’s ok now,” he said soothingly. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck as he got back to his feet with her safely tucked to his chest. “It is pretty dark down here.”

            Morgana sniffed and nodded. “S’scary.”

            “Well, now we know not to come back down here.” The fact that she’d made it there on her own was worrying enough on its own. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if they had still had Crowley chained up in the dungeon. He shivered slightly at the thought and turned to take her back to the other parts of the bunker.

            “Bu’ I thought I heard a puppy,” she said and Sam could hear the pout in her voice.

            “Morgana, we don’t have a puppy. You know that.” Although he had considered getting her one. It would definitely be just for her. Of course. Even though Sam would be the one taking care of it. If they got one. He’d have to warm Dean up to that idea. Maybe for Christmas.

            “Bu’ it sounded like one!”

            “Ok, ok.” Sam rubbed at her back some. “You ok, though?”

            She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. “Good. Now c’mon, I think I saw Dean sneak some nice snacks into the house. You want an Oreo or something?” Thinking on it he probably shouldn’t have been offered cookies since she’d just gone somewhere she knew she wasn’t allowed, but she also seemed pretty shaken so Sam hoped that would leave more of an impact than not giving her a cookie.

            “With milk?”

            “Of course with milk, who doesn’t eat oreos with milk?”

            Morgana shrugged, taking the question literally.

            Sam set her down in a chair and then sat down across from her. Just because he’d already promised her cookies didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a serious talk with her. “Morgana, you know you can’t go in there, ok. No more exploring over there.”

            She pouted and Sam could see that she was thinking about the puppy again.

            “Next time if you think you hear something you come get me or Uncle Dean. Ok?”

            Morgana wrinkled her nose but nodded. “It was scary there.”

            “I know. That’s why you’re not allowed there. You understand now?”

            She nodded seriously and Sam let out a breath of relief. “Ok. Good. Now stay here and I’ll bring out some milk and Oreos.”

            “‘kay,” she agreed, sitting back in the chair.

            As Sam went back to the kitchen he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Now that he’d calmed down it occurred to him that Dean was probably still out there going crazy looking and he’d want to know that Sam had found her.

            “Sammy?” Dean answered. Sam could hear the sound of a car engine in the background.

            “Yeah, Dean, I’ve got her.” He glanced back over his shoulder to be sure Morgana was still in her seat. She was, and playing with the hair on her doll.

            “Where’d she go?”

            “Let’s just say, if Crowley was still here he’d have realized there’s another thing he can now use against us.”

            On the other end Sam could hear Dean cursing under his breath. “Well, you got her. All that matters. I’ll be back in in a minute.”

            “Alright, we’ll be here.” Sam stuck the phone back in his pocket then and grabbed the Oreos he’d seen Dean putting away. He grabbed four- two for her and two for him- and one of the little cups they’d bought for Morgana to use and filled it halfway with milk. He also grabbed some napkins because, well, he knew her eating habits and he’d probably have to wash half her face off by the time she was done.

            He took the cookies and milk back over to her, putting her two cookies on the napkin in front of her. “Here you go, kiddo.”

            She brightened up when she saw the cookies and immediately grabbed one to shove into the milk.

            Sam sat down next to her and started on his own cookies. “You ok?”

            She nodded happily, legs swinging as she ate and Sam started to wonder whether the sugar was such a good idea. Fortunately it was still early so there would be enough time to burn off her energy before bedtime. He’d probably even let Dean run around with her since he liked doing that so much.

            “Yeah, s’good.”

            Sam smiled a bit and nodded. Just then Dean came in, tossing his jacket onto one of the other chairs.

            “Hey, where are my cookies?”

            Sam held up his second one. Morgana put her hand on top of her remaining cookie to hide it and Sam had to smile.

            “Wow, one cookie. Thanks, Sammy,” Dean said dryly.

            “Well, if you don’t want it…” Sam started to pull the cookie back but Dean grabbed it from him before he could.

            “Didn’t say I didn’t want it,” Dean grumbled as he sat across from them.

            Morgana giggled and Sam grinned widely at his brother.

            After a moment Sam noticed Dean staring at them both. “What?”

            Dean shook himself like he hadn’t realized he’d been staring. “Uh, nothing. Just… She’s got your smile, dude. I didn’t notice it until now.”

            Sam dropped his gaze and swallowed hard. “That’s because you’re seeing things.”

            “No, man, I’m serious. Dimples and everything. And you used to giggle like that all the time.”

            “Did not.”

            “You did, and you sounded just like that.”

            Sam made a face at him. Sometimes it was hard to tell when Dean was being serious or just trying to mess with him.

            “Was he real little?” Morgana piped up then. She had a milk mustache that somehow ran almost around her entire mouth. Sam wanted to wipe it up but saw she still had half a cookie to eat and a few sips of milk so there was no point starting to clean her up yet.

            “Oh yeah,” Dean said with a nod. “Just as little as you.”

            That made her eyes go wide and Sam rolled his eyes.

            “I used to carry him around all the time, kinda like we carry you now too.”

            “Well, not exactly,” Sam pointed out. “You were little too.”

            “If you were little how’d you carry him?” Morgana just looked terribly confused now and Sam had to laugh a bit.

            “Because I was still bigger,” Dean replied, making a face at Sam.

            “Not by that much.”

            “By enough!”

            Sam laughed. “You should show her that picture with me sitting on your lap when we were kids.”

            Dean immediately went to pull his wallet out and produce the picture right at that moment. He held it out so Morgana could see. She sat up in her chair and then stood on the chair so she could lean over the table to see he picture.

            “That’s you?” she asked.

            Sam nodded and pointed. “Yep. The one with the weird hair is Dean, and that baby is me.”

            “Your hair’s real long,” Morgana said.

            Dean cleared his throat and pulled the picture back so he could stick it back in his wallet. “Yeah, well. Different times. Think my mom liked letting it be a little bit longer.”

            Sam grinned. “And you make fun of me for my hair. You’ve got a bowl haircut.”

            “Shaddup, Sammy.” Dean made a face at him.

            “D’you have more pictures?”

            “Yeah, we have a couple. Not too many from when we were that little, though,” Dean explained.

            “C’n I see ‘em?”

            “How about Uncle Dean shows ‘em to you before bed after you wash up. This way it’ll be your bedtime story.”

            Morgana debated this but nodded. “Ok!”

            Sam was glad she agreed to it and nodded. “Great.”

            She finished off the cookies and milk then, downing the last bit in one gulp. “Done!”

            Immediately Sam grabbed the napkin and started wiping at her face before she could squirm away.

            She fought him off anyway, but Sam managed to clean her up before she fought him off too much.

            She looked at him darkly and Sam just grinned at her while Dean snickered in the background.

            “Alright, snack time’s over.”

            Morgana quickly slipped out of her seat and clung to her doll. “Gonna go play now, bye!”

            “Hey, where you goin’?” Sam couldn’t help but tense up a bit.

            “My room.” Morgana slowed to turn back at look at him. “I wanna play.”

            Sam wanted to ask if she wanted company but decided not to. “Ok. Uh, be careful and get us if you need anything.”

            She nodded and bounced off to her room. Sam watched for a moment and then turned back to Dean, who was staring at him.

            “What?”

            “Uh, nothing,” Dean said quickly. A little too quickly.

            “Dude. Come on. What?”

            “Nothing. Just… I was serious. I hadn’t seen it before but, man, she looks just like you.”

            Sam rolled his eyes. “No she doesn’t. You’re just saying that because you don’t know her mom.”

            “Oh, like you were such an expert on her? I mean, do you even remember your night with her?”

            “A little,” Sam said evasively, looking away briefly.

            “Look, Sam, I’m not trying to start anything. I just looked at her today and you sitting next to her and I finally saw it. I wasn’t so sure this whole time but she’s definitely your kid. And… I think you’re doing great with her.”

            He wasn’t sure what to say to that so he just nodded. “Uh, yeah. Thanks, Dean.”

            “No problem, Sammy,” Dean said as he got up to clean up the mess. Sam tried to stop him but got waved off. “I’ve got it. Go play with your kid or something.”

            Sam nodded his thanks again and went to go after Morgana. He doubted she would want to play, but he could always hang out in his room down the hall and do some research for Dean and read some more parenting books. Either way there was always going to be something for Sam to do.


	4. Chapter 4

            It the grand scheme of things Morgana hadn’t been living with them for very long. But one of the things Sam had been grateful for was the fact that Morgana didn’t leave her room at night. He knew she woke up sometimes because her toys would be on the floor or in places that she hadn’t left them when he was in there to say goodnight to her. But so far she hadn’t started wandering around and he even dropped the routine of going over to her room every so often in the night to be sure she wasn’t wandering around.

            Which was why he was so startled when suddenly in the middle of the night there was a small hand grabbing and tugging at his shirt sleeve to get his attention.

            “Morgana?” He’d jumped awake because he didn’t know how to wake up normally when grabbed like that anymore.

            “I can’t sleep.”

            Sam just blinked at her for a moment. This was a completely new problem that he had no idea what to do about. “Ok,” he said slowly, pushing himself up so he was sitting up slightly. He waited for her to continue but she just stared at him. “What do you want to do?”

            All he received was a shrug in response.

            “Uh. Well, do you want me to tuck you in again?”

            She shook her head.

            “Another story?”

            Another shake of her head.

            “Water?” She started to shake her head again so he tried something else. “Nightlight? Need another animal in bed?”

            All of his suggestions received a negative response and she continued to blink up at him.

            “Morgana, I don’t know what you want. Let me just take you back to bed.” He was about to start sliding out of bed when she spoke up.

            “Momma lets me stay in her bed.”

            “Oh.” Sam had no idea if that was a good idea. He hadn’t read anything about single dads sharing beds with their kids and Dean would kill him if he got him up to ask. She started to half climb up onto the bed, leaning in and hauling a leg up slowly as though she thought Sam wouldn’t notice.  

            “Ok, ok, hold on.” Sam reached over and helped haul her into bed. “Just for a little while, ok?” He figured once she fell asleep he could carry her back to her room and she would sleep the rest of the night in her bed.

            “No,” she said as she grabbed his pillow and flopped down on it. There was only the one pillow on the bed and Sam wasn’t quite sure how to react to that. He didn’t fight it though and just shifted over to allow her some more space on the bed. “You good?”

            She nodded and continued to wiggle and adjust and generally flop around until she was comfortable. Once she stopped moving Sam tugged the blanket up so he could cover her with it. “Still good?”

            “Yeah.” Her eyes were closed and if Sam didn’t know better he’d say that she was already half asleep. He was still propped up on his elbows and wasn’t sure how to settle in now. He waited for her breathing to even out a little bit and then lay back. It wasn’t ideal since she now had his pillow but considering it was still better than most motels and the back of the Impala he figured he could manage. He stayed awake and decided that his best plan would be to wait until she was asleep and take her back to bed. He had his head tilted towards her so he could watch and wait until she was definitely asleep.

            Sam was confident his plan was solid; right up until he fell asleep not long after she did.

 

            When Sam woke up the next morning he’d completely forgotten that Morgana had crawled into bed with him. His alarm went off as usual and it wasn’t until he moved to turn it off that he remembered the girl was there. The alarm had woken her up too. Or she was already awake, he couldn’t tell.

            “Sorry, Morgana. Didn’t mean to wake you up. You want to go back to sleep?”

            She shook her head. “No. C’n I go say morning to Dean?”

            Sam grinned at that. “Sure thing. I’m gonna go out.”

            “Where?” She looked a little worried about that, but Sam might have been imagining it.

            “Gonna go for a run.” He’d thought about getting one of those jogging strollers so she could come with him, but didn’t think she would want to and he thought that by the time they were spending more time together she would have outgrown it.

            “Oh. C’n I come?”

            Sam blinked in surprise. “Uh, I guess. If you want to.” She wouldn’t be able to go running with him, naturally, but he could take her on a walk.

            “Yeah!” She nodded quickly.

            “Ok. Go get dressed. Put on those stretchy pants that Uncle Dean helped you pick out the other day, and a long sleeve shirt.”

            “kay!” She hopped out of bed and practically sprinted to her room. Sam wondered if Dean was going to miss her coming into her room to wake him up or if he’d be glad to sleep in. He was willing to bet he’d complain about the absence later, just as much as he pretended to complain about being woken up early.

            Sam went ahead and got dressed in his usual running gear even though it was just going to be a walk. When he was done a few minutes later he went and knocked on Morgana’s door to check on her. “Ready?”

            She popped out a moment later, wearing the outfit Sam had told her to. The pants were light pink and her long sleeve shirt was a bright pink but Sam pretty much had decided she could pick out her own clothes. She took great pride in dressing herself and he figured that at five years old it really didn’t matter if her pants and shirt matched as long as she was dressed appropriately.

            “Ok, now we’ve gotta get your coat.” Sam had his jogging hoodie on. It was still warm enough that even though he wasn’t going to be actually running today he wouldn’t be that cold. She probably wouldn’t need the coat but he liked making sure Morgana was warm enough. She’d been wearing her coat since she came to live with them even though the temperatures didn’t really require it. And Sam always had a lighter sweater for her just in case she ended up getting too hot.

            She hopped after him and let him help her get her coat on once they grabbed it from the coat rack he’d set up by the door. He knelt down so he could zip it up for her a little bit. “Ok, listen up. You have to stay close to me, ok? I go jogging right on the road and it’s usually quiet but sometimes there’s still cars. So if I tell you to stop you stop. And stay close. Got it?”

            Morgana nodded seriously. “Got it.”

            “Ok, good.” He took her hand then and led the way up and out of the bunker.

            “C’n we run?” Morgana asked as soon as they were outside, hanging off his hand a little as she bounced up and down.

            “Yeah, we can run. You stay on this side.” Sam made sure she was closest to the side of the road and away from any potential cars that would be driving by. “You start running and I’ll keep up, ok?”

            “Yep!” Morgana let go of Sam’s hand and sprinted off then. He knew she wouldn’t have much energy to go for very long but he didn’t need her to. Hopefully this would be a good start to tiring her out for the day. Sam had no problem going to fall into step after her. He had to jog a little to keep up with her but that was it.

            “You’re doin’ good, kiddo, good job.”

            She just kept up running for about a minute or two before she finally stopped and was obviously huffing and puffing. Sam stopped just next to her and grinned.

            “Tired yet?”

            “No!”

            Sam wasn’t convinced about that but if she didn’t want to go back yet he wouldn’t push it. “Ok, well how about we walk now. Just for a little bit and then we can turn around and get breakfast.”

            The sprint had definitely worn her out because she walked calmly next to him and Sam wasn’t sure that had ever happened before without her bouncing around as well. After a while she started getting distracted by some of the roadside greenery. She started plucking flowers and some longer weeds. Sam didn’t stop her.

            After another few minutes he directed her to turn around and they started to head back for the bunker. It easily took them twice as long to get back inside.

            “How about when we get inside we put those in water?”

            Morgana nodded happily. “Do you go walkin’ every morning?”

            “I try to, yeah.”

            She thought that over and then glanced up at him. “An’ maybe- maybe I can walk again with you tomorrow?”

            He was definitely taken aback by that but grinned at her. “Yeah, of course. You can come out with me whenever you want to.”

            Morgana bounced a little at that and nodded. They were back at the bunker then and he ushered her ahead of him to go inside. “We’ll get those into water and then have breakfast and then you can get changed so those are clean for tomorrow.”

            “kay!” She turned to go and padded off a few steps before she turned around. Before Sam could ask what was the matter she had hugged him tightly around the legs and then sprinted off with her bunch of flowers and weeds clutched in her hand. He just stared after her, not sure how to respond to that.

 

            Just over three months into having Morgana living at the bunker with them Sam felt like maybe they were settling into a routine. Dean had gone on a few hunts on his own and even though that wasn’t Sam’s preferred way of doing things it had worked out pretty well. It was getting closer to Thanksgiving and even though Sam had been thinking about putting Morgana in kindergarten he hadn’t actually gotten around to it yet. He wanted to be sure she was really ready for it, and that he was as well.

            He’d gotten out of her that she’d been to preschool already so in a way he felt guilty that he wasn’t just pushing her back into school. But it was kindergarten, and he’d read that kids could have trouble difficulty with transitioning. Especially when there were outside factors involved. Sam was starting to think that maybe after Christmas he’d put the little girl into kindergarten and help her get ready for first grade.

            But one thing that Sam was having more and more of a hard time with was raising the little girl in the bunker. It was starting to feel like home but that didn’t mean that he still thought it was a good place to raise her.

            He’d just fed her lunch and she was finishing up to go back to her room to play when Sam stepped in front of her to stop her.

            “Hang on, Morgana, can we talk about something?” Sam asked, crouching down in front of her.

            She looked less than thrilled with the delay but nodded at him.

            “You like it here?”

            “I like- I like playin’ hide and seek here. And all my toys fit in my room.”

            Sam smiled a bit and nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty nice, huh?”

            “I like when Dean plays with me.”

            “He likes playing with you too. So you like it here? Do you think you’d want to move?”

            That made Morgana’s whole expression change. “Why do I have to go?”

            “No, no,” Sam reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. Not at all. I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to live in a house instead. Like a house like you had with your mom. Would you like that?”

            Morgana bit down on her bottom lip and shrugged, scuffing one shoe against the ground. “S’fun to play here.”

            “Yeah, guess it is.” Sam was just worried about what would happen as she got older. If she wanted to play with friends she couldn’t have friends over to the bunker. He wanted to make sure she had a normal life, but wasn’t sure that was possible there.

            “Are we gonna move again?” she asked quietly, blinking at him and looking worried.

            “I… I don’t know,” Sam answered honestly. “I was thinking about it. You and me living somewhere else. Then when you go to school you can have your friends over. That’d be nice, right? Did your mom let your friends come over?”

            “Yeah, sometimes,” Morgana said. “But I don’t like playin’ with lots of kids a lot. I liked playin’ with Momma.”

            “Do you like playing here with me and with Dean?”

            Morgana nodded once but then shrugged. Sam wasn’t sure what that meant and she didn’t elaborate.

            “Maybe after Christmas you can start kindergarten. How’s that sound?”

            Morgana wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “I ‘unno.”

            “Well.” Sam gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “It’s not for a while. We’ll talk about it more later.”

            “Ok,” Morgana agreed. One of the things Sam was grateful for was the fact that she was definitely an easy kid to talk to and for the most part seemed to understand everything that was going on. “C’n I go play now?”

            Sam nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. “Yeah, go play.”

            “Will you play with me?”

            “I…” Sam was surprised by the question because up until that point whenever he had played with her it had always been him inviting himself into her playtime. “Yeah, of course. Let’s go.”

            She grabbed his hand right away and barely let him get back to his feet before she was tugging him along to her room. They’d been playing together more and more but it still felt like a big step that she was asking him to play. He’d be sure to tell Dean all about it later.

 

            As Christmas got closer Sam started to feel like he was in over his head again. They’d survived Thanksgiving by the sheer fact that Morgana wasn’t that interested in it. Sam had decided to try and do as much ‘normal’ Thanksgiving stuff as possible. They’d kept up their morning walk routine and once they were done Sam sat her down to watch the parade on tv. It really ended up more like Morgana running around between the tv and the kitchen asking Dean when food was going to be ready, but at least the parade was on in the background.

            But Christmas was a whole different story. Including the fact that both Sam and Dean had completely different ideas on how to handle it.

            “You’re not gonna tell her Santa’s real,” Dean said as Sam came into the bunker with a bag of Christmas decorations.

            “What?” Sam pretended to look busy as he started to unpack the bag.

            “You heard me.” Dean moved so he was standing by his brother. Sam did a quick glance around to make sure Morgana wasn’t around.

            “I heard you but what’s your point? What does it matter either way?”

            “We’re already lying to her about what’s really out there, why d’you want to lie to her about something she’s gonna grow out of in a few years anyway?”

            Sam blew out a breath and looked at Dean darkly. “Because the chances are higher that as long as she’s living with me she’s going to find out the truth about the real monsters. So maybe I want to give her something fun to think about right now. This way she gets a real childhood as long as possible.”

            “Her believing in Santa now isn’t going to change how she’s gonna feel if she finds out about real monsters later.”

            “You think I don’t know that?” Sam folded his arms to look at him. “Kids believe in Santa. Normal kids. It’s just a normal kid thing. And I want her to have as many normal kid things for as long as possible.”

            He held a hand up to stop Dean from saying anything else as he heard the sound of small footsteps heading their way. Dean made a face but fell quiet.

            Morgana came sprinting in and started to throw herself at Sam. He managed to intercept her, though, and scooped her up before she went crashing into his legs.

            “Where’s the candy canes, did you get ‘em?” She squirmed in his arms to try and reach the bag that Sam brought back.

            Sam laughed and adjusted her in his grip so that she wouldn’t fall over. “Yes, I got the candy canes. Just give it time, we’ll have some after dinner.

            She groaned and sighed. “Bu’ I want ‘em now.”

            “Yeah, well, that’s not happening.”

            Sam hefted her so she was sitting upright in his arms again and gave her a little bounce.

            Dean watched them both a moment, squinting slightly.

            “Yeah but I wan’ ‘em now.”

            Sam laughed and shook his head. “Nice try, but still no. Want to help me put up the decorations instead?”

            “I wan’ a tree in my room.”

            “I didn’t get you a tree. Maybe next time. We’ll put it on the list and when you come to the store we can take a look at them.”

            Morgana thought that over. “Yeah, ok.”

            “That sounds like a good idea. Might be nice for the kid to have a tree in her room,” Dean put in.

            Morgana’s eyes went wide. “Does that mean Santa’ll bring more presents?”

            Both of the brothers laughed slightly at that. “No, don’t think it works that way.”

            “Bu’ we’ll have two Christmas trees. More presents.”

            “No, it doesn’t work that way,” Sam laughed. “Santa just brings the presents and it doesn’t matter how many trees there are.”

            “But trees.”

            “No.”

            “But it might be fun to have two of them and see what happens. Y’know. Just in case.” Dean grinned as Sam made a face at him.

            “I wan’ another tree,” Morgana put in with a nod.

            Sam turned to Dean who was just beaming at him and looking pleased with himself. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. I think the two trees is a great idea.”

            Sam sighed and knew he’d already lost that argument. “Fine. When we go to the store we’ll see if there’s a little tree. Little tree for a little girl,” he said as he poked Morgana in the stomach.

            She giggled and grabbed at Sam’s hand. “Don’ do that.”

            “Why not.” Sam put on a mock pout.

            “Tickles.”

            “That’s the reason I did it.”

            Morgana made a face at him. “Bu’ tickles.”

            “I know.” Sam poked her again with a grin.

            She laughed some more. “No, I wanna go with Uncle Dean.”

            Both of them froze and stared at the little girl. Sam was the first one to recover and he decided that he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. If Morgana was suddenly comfortable enough to start calling him Uncle Dean then Sam didn’t want to have her start questioning it because they overreacted.

            “Ok, ok, here.” Sam stepped over and held Morgana out so she could go over to Dean who quickly tucked her into his arms.

            “Alright, c’mon, sweetheart. Want to help me pick out what to make for dinner?”

            “I want candy canes.”

            Sam quickly made a face behind Morgana so that Dean could see.

            “Uh, I think your dad said to wait on those. After dinner.”

            Morgana flopped against Dean but didn’t argue.

            Sam nodded and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Dean. “Alright, I’m putting up the decorations.”

            “And we’ll work on dinner.” Dean nodded. “Off we go.”

            Sam watched them turn to go so he grabbed the bag of decorations. He didn’t get much but he had some lights and garland. He’d even gotten some felt stockings for all of them. He planned on getting cloth paint to put their names on them. He could hang them up in the living area near the tree. Sam didn’t want to put them up until they were customized. He hoped Morgana liked it.

            He was still hanging up the garland when Morgana came running back into the room. She was in her socks and she went sliding across the floor with a giggle.

            “Whoa, easy there,” Sam said, feeling the usual tightness in his chest every time he saw Morgana do something that could lead to her getting hurt. Sometimes he felt that feeling in his chest even when he just took her to the playground but he wasn’t going to admit it.

            “Whatcha doin’?”

            “Putting up the garland.”

            Morgana went over and started touching the fake green leaves. Sam had noticed she was enjoying touching and getting the feeling of things more and more and he didn’t want to discourage that. But he did keep a closer eye on her in case she decided to grab something that wasn’t safe for her to be grabbing.

            “You wanna help me?” he asked, stretching up to put it on the hook he’d placed earlier. He could reach no problem but that didn’t mean he didn’t need his little girl’s help.

            “No,” she said, starting to go for the bag that had the other decorations. Sam immediately swooped in and grabbed her. He didn’t want her to see the stockings yet as they were a surprise for her and Dean both.

            “Hang on there, pipsqueak.”

            “Wha’s that?” she asked, flailing a bit and looking at him questioningly.

            “What’s what?”

            “A pipsqueak!”

            “Oh, that’s you. You’re a pipsqueak.” Sam had one arm supporting her back and the other under the crook of her legs.

            “What’s it mean?”

            “It means something or someone who’s little. Like you.”

            Morgana thought that over. “No! S’cause you’re real big.”

            Sam laughed. “I know. But you’re still pretty small.”

            “Nope.” Even though she was arguing with him she had a big smile on her face. Sam had started to learn when she was arguing to legitimately argue and when she just liked being contrary to be a pest.

            “You are. For now.”

            She sighed heavily and flopped back in his arms. “D’you bring me a new book?”

            “What?” Sam frowned a little in confusion.

            “I saw a book.”

            He couldn’t figure out what she meant for a moment until he remembered that he’d grabbed a magazine from the toy store with all the sales and new toys that were being released for Christmas. He wasn’t sure what she’d want so he had brought it back so she could look at it and tell him herself. He even planned on having her write up a letter to Santa. No matter what Dean had to say on the matter.

            “Oh, it’s not a book. I brought you a magazine.” He adjusted her in his arms and pulled the magazine out so he could hand it to her.

            She immediately brightened up and happily took the magazine. “S’got toys!”

            Sam laughed and put her down. “Yes, it does. I thought you might want to tell me which ones you want so I knew what to get you for Christmas and so Santa knows what you want too.”

            Morgana started bouncing as she did whenever she got excited. “I’mma get markers and circle what I want.”

            Sam wasn’t sure that was the best idea. She would probably end up circling everything in the magazine. But it was still a better idea than nothing. He could always go through it with her later. “Ok. Why don’t you do that here? So if you want to help me with the decorations when you’re done you can.”

            “‘kay!” She sprinted off for her room and came back a moment later with a couple of markers. “You wanna look too?”

            “That’s only got toys in it,” Sam pointed out.

            “So? Then you can pick too and you can write a letter to Santa and then he’ll know what presents to get you!”

            Sam just stared at her for a moment and then grinned. “Yeah, alright. But I won’t circle anything.”

            Morgana frowned and held out a green marker. “Bu’ I brought you a marker.”

            That pretty much ensured that there was no way for Sam to say no and he knew it. “Alright. You wanna sit at the table?” The question wasn’t even out of his mouth before Morgana had flopped down onto the floor. “Ok. Guess not.”

            He went to settle next to her and sat cross legged with her. Without thinking he reached over and grabbed her so she could sit on his lap. She didn’t seem to mind, though, and just dragged the magazine with her and twisted so she could give him one of the markers.

            “You get green. I get pink.”

            Sam nodded solemnly. “That seems like the best idea, really.”

            Morgana nodded seriously and then pulled the magazine onto her lap. She started to flip through the pages from the beginning, taking her time to check each page. Sam leaned forward a little so he could rest his chin on the top of her head and look down at the pages.

            As soon as he did that she stopped moving and froze. “What’re you doin’?”

            “Looking at the magazine,” Sam replied simply, chin still on her head.

            She didn’t move. “You’re on my head.”

            “Yep.”

            With a heavy sigh she reached one hand up and pushed at his face a little. Sam laughed slightly and moved his head. “Ok, ok.”

            “Your face is scratchy.” Morgana twisted so she could look at him again.

            “No it’s not.” Sure Sam hadn’t shaved in a day or two but he didn’t think that meant he was _scratchy_.

            “Is too.”

            “Nope.”

            She grinned slightly. “Yep!”

            Sam gave a little pinch to both of her sides. “Look at your magazine will you?”

            She gave a little yelp and dropped the magazine to grab at his hands. “No!”

            “No what?”

            “No ticklin’.”

            “Oh, ok. Better look at your magazine then. I won’t tickle you.”

            She stared at him suspiciously but eventually returned to the magazine. “Like anything?”

            “I dunno. This magazine isn’t really for me. It’s for you.”

            “You play with toys too.”

            “Yeah, but only your toys. My toys are a little different.”

            “Like your computer?”

            Sam nodded. “Yeah, like that.”

            “What else?”

            That left Sam at a loss for words. “Uh, dunno. That’s it really. I don’t usually have a lot of time to play.”

            “You play with me,” Morgana pointed out, flipping to another page of the magazine.

            “Well, yeah. But I wouldn’t play with those toys on my own. Just with you.”

            “So you have only one toy?”

            “If you count my laptop as a toy then yeah.”

            “Don’t you want more?”

            “I… I don’t know.” Sam gave her a little squeeze. “Don’t you want to be picking out toys?”

            “I am. I wanna look first.”

            Sam nodded and kept his arms wrapped around her. “Oh, ok.”

            Morgana proceeded to do just that. Sam watched over her shoulder and waited to see just what she was going to pick out. She went through the whole magazine once and then went to the beginning.

            “What, nothing you wanted?” Sam tried not to get worried at that. If Morgana couldn’t pick anything out of a huge toy magazine then how was he supposed to pick out a toy she’d like?

            “I like t’look through the whole thing, I like to see all the toys. Then I can pick the ones I like.”

            “Oh, that makes sense.”

            Morgana nodded and uncapped her marker. She started spending more time on each page and it was pretty clear that she was putting some serious thought into what she was doing. It wasn’t until about two pages in that she finally circled things. Sam thought that was probably a good sign. The more pages she skipped the fewer items she’d want and the easier it would be for him to pick out which toys to get her. He figured that he’d talk over with Dean which ones to get her and then they could decide which toys would be from them and which would be from Santa.

            The more pages they went through the more she started circling things. Eventually she was circling things faster and faster and Sam started to wonder if she was even really paying attention to what she was doing.

            “That’s a lot of toys, kiddo.”

            “I like them,” she said matter of factly. “Momma said to circle lots ‘cause Santa can’t bring ‘em all.”

            “Oh, ok.” Sam wished there would be fewer for him to choose from but he’d manage.

            “Hey, kiddo, when you’re done I have a question.”

            Morgana nodded but continued her work. It was a few more minutes before she finally finished and put the magazine aside. “Don’ you wanna pick?”

            “In a second. I want to ask you something first.”

            She turned around until she was sitting on Sam’s thigh. He kept a hand on her back and tried to figure out the best way to ask his question. “Wha’ is it?”

            “What kinds of things did you and your mom do for Christmas? Do you remember what you did?”

            Morgana’s expression went serious the way it always did whenever the topic of her mom came up. Sam hated having to do it but knew it was better to just get the questions out of the way.

            “Momma let me get up early.”

            Sam smiled a bit. “You get up early every morning.” Suddenly he was afraid to think of what that meant and if she was going to end up being awake at four in the morning or something.

            “An’ we opened presents before breakfast.”

            “Yeah? That’s nice.”

            Morgana nodded. “Then we played with my toys all day.”

            “Sounds like a lot of fun.”

            “Yeah. Can we do that on Christmas here?”

            Sam smoothed back some of her hair and tried not to mess up the little clips in her hair. He had to admit that he’d gotten better at putting them in place. They even managed to keep her hair back from her face now. He had thought that putting her hair in a ponytail would be easier but she refused to let him do it. Unfortunately that also meant that each night when he untangled her hair it was a fairly lengthy process.

            “Of course we can, peanut.” The nickname slipped out of him without much thought. He was never much for nicknames but lately he’d been feeling like he should probably have one for the little girl. This was one of the few times it had come to him easily and the only one that he felt actually comfortable with. But he’d have to see what happened later on.

            Morgana grinned at him and hefted the magazine again. “That’s good. Wanna pick toys now?”

            “Uh, sure. But I’m not gonna pick too many, ok?”

            “Bu’ Santa can bring ‘em.”

            “I know, but I don’t really need toys.”

            Morgana didn’t quite seem to understand that concept. “So you don’t wan’ ‘em?”

            “Well, sure. But I won’t have a lot of time to play with them like you do.”

            “You play with me.”

            Sam smiled at that. “Yeah, I do. But maybe I can just share your toys with you. Would that be ok?”

            Morgana definitely had to think that over and Sam watched her intently. “Yeah, guess that’d be ok.”

            Sam’s smile broadened and he kissed her temple lightly. “Thanks, peanut.”

            She smiled back and grabbed his face in both her little hands and tugged him in so she could plant a very wet kiss to his cheek. “Still scratchy.”

            He had to laugh and pull her close so he could hug her tightly. “No I’m not.”

            Morgana giggled and squirmed and pushed at Sam’s chest. “Yeah! So scratchy.”

            “Oh, really?”

            She nodded so Sam leaned in and rubbed his face against hers. “Yeah?”

            That made Morgana giggle loudly and she brought her shoulders up to try and hide her face. “Tickles!”

            “Yeah?” Sam kept it up a moment before pulling back.

            Morgana nodded and wiped at her face. “Tickles a lot.”

            “Oh, I’m sorry,” Sam said, mock solemnly.

            She made a face at him and he was pretty sure she didn’t believe him at all. She was a smart kid.

            “Hey, Morgana?” Sam smoothed her hair back again as she looked up at him. “You know… Uh, you know I love you, right?”

            She looked down and picked at the pages of her magazine. “Like Momma?” she asked quietly, finally glancing up at him.

            Sam nodded seriously. “Just like your mom.”

            She thought that over and nodded. “‘kay.”

            He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he expected but that seemed as good as any. All he wanted was to make sure she knew. He hadn’t said it until then, not outright like that and he knew he needed to do that more.

            “Uh, good.” Sam cleared his throat slightly and then looked towards the kitchen. “Hey, um, why don’t you go check on Uncle Dean? See if he’s anywhere near done with dinner. Then you can wash up.”

            “You didn’t pick any toys.” She frowned a little.

            “Oh, you’re right. Well, you know what? Let’s pick some toys after dinner. I’m gonna finish up the decorations and you can keep an eye on Uncle Dean. Deal?”

            “Deal,” Morgana said after a moment’s thought. She hopped to her feet and put the magazine on the table. After that she sprinted to the kitchen. Sam started cleaning up a bit and returned to putting up the decorations. He had been working for a minute before everything that had just happened sank in.

            He’d told Morgana he loved her and he’d meant it. And she had believed him. She had done everything she could to share her toys and make sure he picked out something for Christmas. She’d even openly showed him a sign of affection, something she hadn’t done before to either of them, although she’d always been much more comfortable with Dean.

            To anyone else it wouldn’t have seemed like much but Sam was starting to feel pretty good about the upcoming holiday.

 

            The next few days started to get interesting. The closer it got to Christmas the more insane and hyperactive Morgana got. Sam was starting to wonder just how he was supposed to cope and handle this suddenly unstoppable child.

            She wouldn’t stay in bed at night and just about the only thing she would talk about was Christmas and the presents. And the snow. She wanted snow so badly that Sam was pretty sure if it didn’t snow soon she was going to have some kind of fit.

            It was getting to the point that Sam was debating using some child’s cold medicine to knock her out for more than a few hours at a time. Not that he actually would, but he and Dean had joked about it.

            Sam had let her stay in bed with him a few times since the first night she had requested it, but lately he hadn’t let her. He’d learned that after one time she did stay in bed with him and he’d gotten even less sleep as she tossed and turned and kept asking if he was awake. That had pretty much decided the argument Sam had been having with himself and he refused to let Morgana sleep in his room on the times he knew she was only awake because she was excited about Christmas.

            But that didn’t stop her from sneaking into his room in the middle of the night anyway. He was getting a little too used to being woken up by a little hand grabbing at his arm and tugging until he woke up.

            “What’s the matter, Morgana?” Sam cracked an eye open so he could look at her.

            “Is it Christmas?” she asked brightly.

            “Kiddo.” Sam rolled over to face her and gave up and she pulled herself up into bed next to him. “What did I tell you when you went to bed?”

            “I ‘unno.”

            “Morgana.” Sam stared at her firmly. “You remember so don’t lie to me. What did I tell you when you went to bed?”

            “Ten more sleeps until Christmas,” she said with a sigh.

            “Exactly. So why are you in here asking that when you know the answer?” He knew the second he finished speaking that he shouldn’t have phrased it as a question. Morgana was getting a little too good at dodging questions. Sam was just going to blame that one on Dean.

            “‘cause I can’t sleep.”

            “That’s when you stay in bed.”

            “No,” she whined, flopping down into bed next to him. “You said if I can’t sleep I c’n come sleep with you.”

            “Not if you can’t sleep because you’re just excited about Christmas.”

            “But.” Morgana quickly put on a pout. Sam should have been immune to it by now. He should have known better.

            Instead he sighed and put an arm out to wrap around Morgana and bring her in to snuggle against his chest. He even scooted off his pillow a little so she could share it.

            “Still ten more sleeps?”

            Sam couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Yeah. Still ten more.”

            Morgana heaved a heavy sigh but he could feel her relax next to him. “D’you think Santa got my letter yet?”

            “Well,” Sam started to smooth back her hair a little. “We sent it a few days ago. So yeah, he probably got it by now.”

            “Good.” Morgana nodded and then yawned. Sam kept up smoothing her hair back.

            Sam kissed her forehead but didn’t dare close his eyes yet. He gave it a few minutes to make sure she fell asleep. When he was sure she was asleep he finally let himself relax. It was hard not to think that a lot of the parenting books recommended not letting kids get too used to sleeping with their parents, and it was something Sam was constantly stressing over. He didn’t want her to get used to it. But he’d also read that when it came to single parents or parents who had been absent for a while and needed to reconnect with their kids that it was best to let the kid set the pace and keep an eye out for the ways the child was most comfortable with allowing the reconnecting to take place.

            In the case it seemed like Morgana was most open to him when it came to her nighttime routine or sleeping in his bed with him. She was only five and a half. Sam decided this was something he could let slide for a while until they were more comfortable with each other in other ways.

            Once Sam had settled that with himself he was finally able to fall back asleep.

 

            The problem with counting down the days to Christmas with Morgana was the fact that she now understood was that it Christmas Eve and so far neither Sam nor Dean had found a way to calm her down and get her to go to sleep. The secondary problem to that was the fact that until she went to sleep there was no way for them to put out the small pile of presents they had gotten her. Together they had set up a few toys that they designated were going to be from Santa and a few others that were going to be from each of them.

            But none of that mattered if Morgana wouldn’t sleep.

            “Kiddo, what did we say about gettin’ out of bed.” Dean got to his feet the moment he saw Morgana padding out of the hallway from her room. Sam had suspected that she would get out of bed _at least_ one more time. Since this was now the fourth time, he figured it was time for Dean to try his hand at getting her to stay in bed.

            “I can’ sleep,” she said. Again.

            “We know that. We talked about it, Morgana.” Sam was still sitting in his seat but he gave her his best stern expression.

            Dean walked over to Morgana and bent like he was going to pick her up. Surprisingly, she dodged around him and padded straight towards Sam. She was wearing some new pjs that she had convinced Dean to buy her. They were bright red and had reindeer all over them.

            “I wanna go sleep with you,” she said as she hauled herself up into Sam’s lap. He was too surprised to try and stop her. Behind her Sam could even see that Dean looked a little surprised by the fact that she had gone to Sam instead.

            “I’m not going to sleep yet. Uncle Dean and I have some last things we have to do before Santa gets here.”

            Morgana groaned and face planted into Sam’s shoulder as she curled up to settle in his lap.

            “Uh, well.” Dean cleared his throat slightly. “Sam, y’know. You could go on to bed. I can finish up the stuff. Then you two can go on to bed and get some rest.”

            Morgana sat up so she could look at Sam pleadingly. “Santa can’t come ‘til we’re asleep.”

            Sam frowned a bit. He suddenly regretted trying to use that to get Morgana to sleep. It had just made her more worried about what would happen if she couldn’t sleep. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

            She grabbed Sam’s hand and slid off his lap and tugged at his hand to try and pull him to his feet. “Please? We gotta go to sleep!”

            Sam realized he had created this situation himself. And he couldn’t very well just let her lie in bed and stress about Santa not coming because she couldn’t sleep. Which meant he would have to go to sleep with her. Or at least until she fell asleep and he could hopefully slip away to finish things up with Dean. “Alright. Yeah, c’mon, peanut.”

            She smiled at that and lifted up her arms. Without thinking Sam scooped her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Night, Uncle Dean,” she said with a wave as she and Sam headed past him.

            “Night, kiddo.” Dean smiled at her and waved back at her.

            Sam gave his brother a look that he hoped would be taken to mean that he’d be back out as soon as he could. He headed straight for his room and flopped Morgana down onto the bed as she giggled.

            “Stay here, I’ve gotta get into pjs.”

            She nodded and proceeded to climb under the blankets and cuddle up. In the past week Sam had given up and grabbed another pillow for the bed which she now used whenever she slept with him.

            He came back only a few minutes later. He’d expected to come back to her laying down comfortably. It was only partly what he got back to. She was all snuggled under the blanket but had her eyes wide open and waiting expectantly.

            “You ok?” Sam asked as he went ahead and lay down next to her. She immediately scooted in and curled up next to him so he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

            “Yeah.” She said calm enough but something didn’t seem right to Sam. He didn’t think she was lying, but he’d dealt with people enough to suspect that there was something on her mind that she wasn’t telling him.

            “You sure?” It was already almost midnight, but a few more minutes of conversation wasn’t going to make a difference at this point.

            “No.”

            Sam shifted back a little so he could look at her. “What’s the matter?”

            Morgana didn’t answer right away. In fact, Sam was wondering if she was even going to answer him at all by the time she finally spoke up. “Can Momma get Christmas presents?”

            Sam sat up and gently tugged Morgana up as well so he could face her. “What do you mean?”

            “Where Momma is, can she get Christmas presents?”

            Sam had to think that over carefully. “Well. Sort of. She can’t… She isn’t going to be able to use anything you get her, you understand? But maybe… Maybe if you want we can take a drive and bring some flowers to her grave. Do you think you would want to do that?”

            She seemed to think about that, biting down on her bottom lip. “Would she like that?”

            Sam nodded. “Yeah, I think so. How about we do that the day after Christmas? Would that be ok?”

            “Yeah,” Morgana agreed. “S’good.”

            “Alright. But for now we really need to get some sleep. We’ll talk more about what to bring to your mom tomorrow.”

            Morgana nodded and lay back down, waiting for Sam to get truly comfortable the way she was earlier. “I miss Momma.”

            Sam gave her a little squeeze as he kept his arm around her. “I know, Morgana. I’m sorry.”

            “Are you always gonna be my daddy?”

            “Yeah, that’s kind of how it works, yeah.”

            “Forever?”

            Sam nodded. “Forever and ever. You’re always gonna be my little girl.”

            “Momma said I was her little girl.”

            “You are. Doesn’t change just because she isn’t here. It’s just part of being a parent.” Sam hadn’t quite realized that until just then but he knew it was true. Over the past few months he’d gotten used to the idea that Morgana was going to grow up with them and he was going to see what happened as she grew into a teenager and then an adult. In some ways it was terrifying but as he’d gotten to know her more he realized that he wanted to see the person she was going to grow into. And he wanted to help her along that road as much as he could.

            “Oh. Ok.”

            “Yeah. Now sleep.”

            “I have one more question.” Morgana picked her head up to look at him.

            “Sure. One more.”

            “I asked Santa for somethin’, but I don’ think I need it ‘nymore. Is he gonna know?”

            Sam frowned a little, trying to imagine what Morgana could have asked for that she suddenly changed her mind about. He had helped her write most of her letter to Santa with a small exception of one section that she has asked Dean to help her with. Neither of them would tell him what she asked for, though. “Uh, yeah. Probably. Why?”

            “Well.” Morgana chewed on her lip for a second. “If you’re my daddy forever then I don’ need a new momma. You’re gettin’ good at it.”

            Sam stared at her blankly. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that which was fine by Morgana because she simply settled down again. He kept up absently smoothing a hand over her hair and a few minutes later her breathing had evened out and she was completely still.

            “Love you, peanut,” Sam lightly kissed the top of her head.

            A few minutes after that once he was sure she wouldn’t wake up when he got up he carefully slid himself out from under her arm. He even stood by the door and eyed her and made sure that she was really asleep before he slipped out.

            When he joined Dean he didn’t say anything and went straight to where they had stashed her wrapped up presents.

            “Sam?” Dean followed his movements with his eyes, frowning a little at Sam’s silence. “Sammy, what’s up?”

            “What?” Sam had an armful of presents he was strategically placing in front of their tree they’d gotten earlier in the month. Morgana had helped them decorate it and even though it was mostly sparse, Sam had to admit it was still a nice looking Christmas tree.

            “That look on your face, what happened?”

            Sam didn’t say anything as he tried to gather his thoughts and used putting the presents out as an excuse. “Why didn’t you tell me what Morgana wrote in her other letter? About wanting another mom?”

            Dean sighed heavily and stood up so he could go stand by the tree as Sam made his trips back and forth. “Didn’t seem like something you needed to know. And I didn’t think she’d ever tell you.”

            “Well, she did.”

            “You know she doesn’t mean anything by it, Sam, she’s a kid. A kid who just lost her mom, of course she’d want to ask some magic man in a red suit for another one-”

            “That’s not what I meant,” Sam interrupted, straightening up and facing his brother. “She wanted to know if Santa would know if there was something she didn’t want anymore. She said she changed her mind and she doesn’t want one anymore because…”

            Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion as Sam trailed off. Then it seemed to dawn on him and he blinked, then nodded slowly in approval. “I guess you’ve been officially accepted for dad status.” He stepped in and patted Sam’s arm.

            Sam gave a forced small smile in response.

            “What? You should be happy about this. Why aren’t you happy?”

            “Because, Dean… It feels like I’m- I’m replacing her mom. And I don’t want to do that. That’s never what I wanted to do.”

            “Sam, c’mon.” Dean blew out a breath. “That’s not how it is. Look, when Mom died, Dad had to take on a lot of different roles. But he never took Mom’s place. Not even close.”

            “But what if it’s different? You had Dad from the start. I stepped in and I don’t want to replace her. I could never even hope to live up to whatever she already started with Morgana.”

            “I know.” Dean squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “But you’re not her mom. You’re her dad. It’s gonna be different and she already knows you can’t replace her. I don’t think she’d let you even if you wanted to.”

            Sam swallowed hard at that but nodded. “We’re, uh, we’re gonna take a road trip back to Kansas City after Christmas. Take some flowers to Diana’s grave.”

            “That’s a great idea.”

            He was more than a little surprised that Dean seemed so keen on the idea but let it drop. Together they put out the rest of the presents and even put a few of the smaller ones under the tree Morgana had up in her room. Not that she was even spending the night in there but that actually made it easier to sneak in and out. After they were done Sam sneaked back into his room and maneuvered back into bed. Morgana had spread out so he had to slowly and carefully scoot her over so he could get back into bed. He knew she was going to be up in a few short hours and fortunately he was able to fall asleep quickly.

 

            Christmas and New Year’s went by in some kind of time warp blur. Sam wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced time going by that quickly. However, Morgana’s overall mood had improved over the holidays.

            She played with all her new toys so often that it started to become a problem to get her to bed. More than once Sam had gone to her room to check on her after bedtime only to find her tucked into bed and clinging to one of the new toys as she slept. While Sam didn’t mind that with her stuffed animals, he always moved the harder toys back out of the bed so she wouldn’t hurt herself in the middle of the night.

            Soon after January began Sam started to look into registering Morgana for kindergarten. It took some serious paperwork but he was able to register her using most of her mother’s information.

            At one point Sam thought that Dean was trying to discourage him from putting Morgana into school. Sam had a feeling part of that was that Dean had gotten so used to having her around, and the other part was worry for her safety having her gone from there for large portions of the day.

            In the end, Sam won out and he had everything set for Morgana to start school before the end of the month. It was hard for him to get used to the idea of her being gone for a few hours a day, but he knew it would be good for her. He knew it would be the start of a good routine to help her settle in. He just hoped that he could get used to it as quickly as he was sure that she would.


	5. Chapter 5

            “Morgana, where’d you leave your backpack?” Sam called towards her room as he scrambled around the living area to try and find the backpack. He and Morgana had worked together the night before to get all her supplies ready. She had crayons and colored pencils and glue sticks and scissors and more than a few items that he wouldn’t have thought kindergarteners would need but apparently they did.

            “I ‘unno!” Her singsong voice replied from inside her room.

            Sam groaned and redoubled his search. In five minutes if they weren’t in the car she was going to be late. They had decided on putting her in the afternoon classes precisely to avoid this situation but somehow here they were anyway.

            “Got it right here, Sammy.” Dean appeared from the kitchen with the backpack in hand. It was a bright blue thing that Morgana and Sam had picked out together. It had one of the ponies from one of Morgana’s cartoons on it and they’d also gone out and attached some patches of superheroes that Dean had gotten her watching. He’d noticed those popping up in the Netflix queue and recently watched so he knew that was something those two were doing together. He thought it was good they had found something like that to bond over. The stitching wasn’t that neat but the patches wouldn’t at least fall off when she was using the bag.

            “Was adjusting her lunch,” Dean said as he handed out the bag.

            Morgana came sprinting from her room then and bounced up and down to try and get the backpack from Dean. “Do I get a snack?” she asked in between bounces.

            “Yeah, yeah, calm down. I put your snack in there. Relax.” Dean held the backpack out to her.

            “Ok, ok, great, but we need to get going.” Sam had to intercept her hand before she started pulling the backpack open to start rummaging around inside.

            Dean checked his watch and then nodded, bending down to Morgana’s level. “Your dad’s right, you need to get going. Gimme a hug so you don’t get there late.”

            Morgana hopped into Dean’s arms then and hugged him tightly around the neck. “You gonna come with Daddy to pick me up?”

            Dean returned the hug and then gave her a little nudge away and towards Sam. “Not today. Tomorrow I will, though. Don’t worry.”

            Morgana went over and slipped her free hand up into Sam’s. “‘kay. Bye, Uncle Dean!”

            “See you after school, kiddo.” He gave a last little wave as she and Sam quickly headed towards the car. He got her all settled in the car and headed for the school.

            They were quiet in most of the ride but Sam started to get a little more antsy the closer they got to school. He knew that the school was safe. He’d done careful interviews with most of the staff and he and Dean ran background checks on those he couldn’t meet in person. Plus he had enrolled Morgana under her mother’s last name. Winchester wasn’t easy for him to get her to use considering that he and Dean didn’t even really exist anymore. Or at least had died a few times by now. They could sort that problem out later.

            He pulled the SUV up in front of the school. It was already chaotic because of the previous class letting out and there were a number of parents lined up waiting to pick their kids up, as well as another line waiting to drop their kids off. When he finally got closer to the doors one of the traffic guards waved at him and some of the other cars to signal that it was safe to unload their kids.

            Sam hopped out of the car and walked around to go and get Morgana out of her car seat.

            “There’s a lotta kids,” Morgana observed, looking out the window.

            Sam nodded and smoothed down her hair, adjusting the little clips in her hair. He had thought about trying to do little braids in her hair for today but he wasn’t skilled enough with them. Maybe another time. “Yeah, there are. But not that many in your class. You ready?”

            She nodded but Sam could see the nervous look on her face.

            “Ok, c’mon.” He hauled her out of the car and grabbed her backpack. “Want me to take me to your classroom?”

            Morgana headed for the door with him and clung tightly to his hand. Her only response was a stiff nod.

            Sam led her into the school and past all the other kids. He’d been to her classroom with her when they toured the school earlier so at least he knew where it was. “Alright, peanut. Here we are.” He knelt down to her height and tugged her to face him so he could take both of her hands. “You ready?”

            There were already kids inside and the teacher was standing there as well, making sure everyone was getting settled. She spotted Sam and Morgana and nodded at them, giving a little wave.

            “Do I hafta start today?” Morgana asked quietly, blinking at Sam.

            “Yeah, peanut, today is the day you start.” Sam knew she didn’t _have_ to start kindergarten that day. In fact she didn’t really need to be in school until first grade. But he also knew they needed to just pick a day and go. She was right on schedule with a lot of her learning and he didn’t want her to fall behind. Sure they did plenty of learning together at home but he knew this would be good for her. He wanted her to have a stable schedule and school was part of that.

            “Ok.” She took a deep breath and straightened up slightly. That was something Sam was convinced she had gotten from Dean over the past few months.

            He smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “It’s not gonna be bad. You can do this.”

            “Ok.” She nodded again.

            “Alright, go on in now. You wanna pick a good seat, right?”

            She nodded in response.

            “Just like we talked about. I’ll pick you up later, and try to make some friends.” Sam smiled at her and reached into his pocket then. He pulled out a little charm on a silver chain and held it out to her. “I got you something. For good luck.”

            Morgana squinted at the necklace and poked at the charm with one little finger. “Looks like a star.” She squinted at it. “Like your tattoo.”

            Sam’s smile broadened some more then and nodded. “It’s just like my tattoo. It’s gonna keep you safe even when I’m not here.”

            “I like it.”

            He had hoped she would. He’d gotten the charm made after Christmas and thought the thin silver chain would be appropriate even for a little girl. It wasn’t much but even that charm with the anti-possession symbol carved in it would go a long way to making Sam feel better at least.

            “Love you, peanut.” He wanted to give her a hug then but the teacher was starting to look at them impatiently and he thought it might make leaving her a little easier. Instead she just threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He wasn’t going to ignore the hug, though, and returned it tightly.

            “Love you too, Daddy.”

            Sam’s breath caught in his throat and he froze. Morgana let go of him and smiled brightly before she went into the classroom. Sam got back to his feet and watched for a moment. The other kids were all settling in and moving around. The teacher gave him a look so he waved at her and quickly retreated before Morgana could catch his gaze and try to keep him around any longer.

            He wanted to hang around a little longer but the traffic guard was already annoyed with him for leaving his car in the way of everyone else trying to get in and out. Sam wasn’t ready to go far, though, so he pulled out and parked across the street and watched for a while as parents dropped their kids off.

            A half hour into his sitting and watching he noticed the traffic guard staring at him. He also knew that Dean was waiting for him to get back so he finally decided it was probably time to get going. Sam checked his phone one last time to make sure the school wasn’t trying to call him and then he finally drove to go back home.

 

            Waiting to pick up kids from school was a completely different experience than dropping them off. Most parents tended to get there later on so when it came to dropping off everyone was tripping over each other. When it came to picking them up, though, most parents got there early.

            Sam was no exception. He’d been waiting already almost twenty minutes and was starting to get impatient. Either his clock in the car was off or the school was running a little late.

            Then all at once there was a faint bell sound from inside the school and just a few seconds later kids of all ages started spilling out of the school. He got out of the car and went to stand by the doors with a few of the other parents. Most of them were moms or babysitters. Sam was only one of a handful of dads there for their kids. Some of the wives smiled and waved at him. He only gave half of his attention to them, though.

            As he was trying to think of a good way to ignore some of the moms who were working their way up to saying hi to him Morgana emerged from the school at full tilt.

            She sprinted straight for Sam and crashed into his legs, just as he’d expected she would.

            “Peanut!” He bent down and scooped her up, backpack and all. “How was school, did you have fun?”

            “Was good,” she said brightly, clinging to him as they headed back to the car.

            “Yeah? Tell me all about it in the car,” he said as they went that way.

            Morgana waited for Sam to strap her into the car and once they were on the way for her to start babbling at him about the class.

            He’d been worried that she wouldn’t want to talk about it or that she wouldn’t have had fun or any other myriad of things that could have gone wrong.

            Instead, it seemed, that she hadn’t had any problems and had a lot of fun even for a half day. She didn’t stop talking about the class and teacher and other kids for the entire ride back to the bunker.

            Once they got back home she ran off to go find Dean and retell the day to him. Sam let her while he went to put her school bag away in her room. He liked to try and encourage Morgana to keep her room clean, so aside from a few toys she’d been playing with earlier that morning before school it was easy to find a place to put her backpack away.

            By the time he made it out to join Dean and Morgana she had apparently finished her story telling because she was sitting on Dean’s lap while he did something on Sam’s laptop.

            “You tell Uncle Dean all about school?” Sam asked as he sat down across the table from the two.

            Morgana nodded but was seemingly distracted by whatever it was Dean was doing on the laptop.

            “Dean, what are you doing?” Sam couldn’t help but be suspicious. He knew what kind of things his brother got up to on that thing.

            “Nothing,” Dean replied innocently.

            “Dean.”

            In case Sam wasn’t already paranoid enough about their exploits online Morgana and Dean started giggling at something at the same time.

            “ _Dean_.”

            “S’just a puppy,” Morgana said then, giggling more.

            Sam raised an eyebrow skeptically, earning even more laughter from the other two. He wasn’t quite sure what they were finding so funny, but after a moment they were both laughing almost uncontrollably. Sam couldn’t help but grin fondly at that them. There would be no getting anything coherent from them until they settled down so Sam gave up and got up to do some things. As he walked out of the room the sound of their laughter followed him down the halls. Any other time it would have been unsettling, but all Sam felt was a warm fondness that his daughter and brother were getting along so well.

 

            Going to a kindergarten class graduation as a parent was never something Sam thought he would get the chance to experience. For one thing he didn’t even know that they _had_ kindergarten class graduations. Dean had made fun of the idea at first but once he’d seen how important it was to Morgana and how excited about it she was her excitement rubbed off on him. She insisted that she wanted a certain outfit for it and spend days leading up to the graduation trying on her clothes in different combinations as she tried to find just the right outfit.

            Sam ended up just taking her to the store and letting her buy a whole new outfit. He didn’t realize how particular freshly turned six year olds could be.

            Morgana’s birthday had been back in May, not long after Sam’s. Being that it was the first birthday she was spending with them Sam did as much as possible to make it enjoyable for her. He vetoed the idea of taking her to a local Plucky Pennywhistle’s so they went to another kid friendly restaurant and the park before coming home so she could open her presents and eat the ice cream cake Dean had bought her.

            Now just one short month later Sam and Dean were at her school waiting for the graduation ceremony to start. Sam had insisted they get there early so they were in the second row of the small auditorium that was crammed with other parents.

            “When does this thing even start?” Dean asked as he checked his watch. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so since they got there. Sam wasn’t sure if he was antsy to get home or antsy to see Morgana get her certificate so he could gush about it.

            “Twenty minutes.” Sam didn’t even bother to check his watch.

            “Y’know, I’ve been thinking about something.”

            Sam glanced at his brother, taking note in the change in his tone. “What?”

            “About you and Morgana. Mainly about you and, uh, our job.” Dean looked to the other seat next to him where one of the moms was very clearly looking them over. Sam wasn’t familiar with her so she probably had a kid in one of the other kindergarten classes. Dean cleared his throat and turned a little in his seat so he could face Sam better.

            “Do we have to do this here?” Sam dropped his voice. He had a feeling what Dean wanted to talk about and an auditorium filled with other parents was certainly not the place for it.

            “I just wanted to say… It’s ok if you drop it. You know, to focus on raising Morgana.”

            Sam didn’t answer right away. The past six months had been hard in terms of balancing hunting and raising Morgana. Sam hated leaving her but there had been a few cases that Dean insisted on handling and Sam still wasn’t ready to let him do the job alone. Fortunately they had been able to contact Jody Mills who had been more than willing to babysit.

            It worked out well, actually. Jody stayed at the bunker with Morgana and took her to school and the two got along wonderfully. Sam knew it wasn’t a permanent solution because there was only so much time Jody could get off from her own legitimate paying job and only so long she could leave Alex alone, but it could work for now.

            “Dean, I’m not just going to drop the job. I’m not leaving you alone out there,” he said tightly, avoiding Dean’s gaze as much as possible. “We can talk about this later.”

            “Don’t think about it like that, Sam. I’m serious. Morgana needs you. Hell of a lot more than I do.”

            Sam continued to do everything he could to avoid looking at his brother but he was running out of things in the auditorium to stare at.

            “Sam. You know I’m right.”

            That didn’t mean that Sam had to admit to it.

            “Sammy.”

            Finally he met Dean’s gaze. He expected Dean to look upset or determined or any number of other complicated emotions. Instead Dean just looked calm and collected but definitely firm.

            “We don’t have to decide this now.” Sam’s voice was quiet. The conversation felt final somehow and the idea scared him. It wasn’t so much the idea of not hunting that scared him but the idea that if he did stop and something happened to Dean… Every single time in the past when he’d tried to lead his own life something had dragged him back in. And he wasn’t sure if he could handle being forced to choose between having to save Dean or staying in a quiet life with Morgana. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the guilt of having let Dean down again, especially since that would mean that he be letting Morgana down by leaving his safe life with her.

            “I know we don’t,” Dean agreed, sitting back a little. “But I think it’s time, Sam. I’m not saying I’m gonna stop completely but… Maybe it’s time I got a new partner. Cas can have my back just the way you did. If it comes to that. I just think that maybe this is your sign, Sam. Our sign that we have better things to focus on. We don’t always have to be the heroes.”

            Sam stared hard at Dean for a long moment. “You mean that? You’d quit the job too? For the most part?”

            Dean shrugged. “I mean it. For Morgana, yeah, I mean it.”

            Sam opened his mouth to respond but a small movement over on the stage caught his attention. The curtains in the back moved and as he looked over he could see a small, familiar form standing there. Morgana had pulled the curtains aside and was scanning the crowd. As soon as she spotted Sam she waved.

            Sam smiled automatically and waved back. She ducked back after that. A quick check of his watch told him that they were going to start soon.

            “I’m not quitting if it means I have to explain to that little girl one day why Uncle Dean isn’t coming home again.”

            Dean nudged Sam’s arm with his elbow. Sam stared at his brother evenly. He meant every word of that.

            “I wouldn’t want you to. That’s why I think it’s about time to give it up, little brother.”

            The idea of giving up hunting completely and settling into a life with Morgana still felt weird and foreign. But deep down in the pit of his stomach he knew it was the right call.

            “Think you’re right,” Sam agreed quietly. The rest of the conversation was cut short as the school principal came out onto the stage to begin.

            The ceremony wasn’t that fancy. The principal had each of the classes come out and each kid was handed their certificates. There were lots of pictures taken and all the parents clapped for each of the kids.

            When it was all over the parents went to the classrooms to pick up their kids. Sam spotted Morgana easily in the crowd of other kids. He’d spent a lot of time that morning putting her hair up into a ponytail close to the top of her head and he spotted it as she sprinted over to him, ponytail bouncing up and down as she moved.

            Morgana threw herself into Sam’s arms. “Did you see me, Daddy, did you? I waved!”

            “Of course, peanut, I waved back.” He grinned as Morgana planted a kiss to his cheek. He carried her out into the hallway where Dean was waiting for them.

            “Good job, kiddo.” Dean was grinning from ear to ear as they approached. She held out the paper certificate she’d gotten so he could carry it for her, leaving her free to wrap her arms around Sam’s neck as he carried her. “Look at you, all ready for first grade now.”

            “Summer first!”

            Sam laughed and exchanged a nervous glance with Dean. They’d both gotten used to the school routine and now that it was summer time it meant more time to find ways to keep the energetic child busy.

            “Ok, ok, but how about before that we get some ice cream. Y’know, to celebrate.”

            Sam grimaced but at least this time he couldn’t argue too much with Dean’s idea. When he didn’t immediately shut the idea down Morgana immediately started bouncing up and down in his arms.

            “Yes!” she agreed loudly.

            “I hate you,” Sam grumbled to Dean as he walked past to make his way to the car.

            Dean grinned innocently. “Hey, it’s not that bad an idea. Ice cream now and we can worry about the rest of the summer later.”

            As Sam strapped Morgana in to her car seat he could feel Dean looking at him over the top of the SUV.

            “What?” Sam asked as he straightened up and caught Dean’s eye.

            “I’m serious, you know. We can worry about summer later. Right now let’s get the kid ice cream and everything else… We can work it out. Including the other thing we talked about.”

            Sam nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, we’ll, uh, we’ll work out my retirement later. Deal?”

            Dean seemed to think that over and Sam had a feeling they had reached an understanding. They both knew what the right thing was but they could work the details out later. Right now the most important thing was Morgana. The rest could come later. Sam kind of liked that idea.

            As he got settled into the car Sam finally felt at peace with himself. It felt like he and Dean had finally reached an understanding about what they had to do. Morgana was now the most important thing in both of their lives and Sam was determined to give her the best possible life he could.

            Sam may have been The Guy That Saved the World Once, but now he was a father and really, that was the most important job he could have.


End file.
